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No Umbrella

walking in a hard rain
wallowing in tribulation,
drizzling thoughts drip through
dank layers of grit and gray
inventing reasons
ad nauseum
all of which are
swallowed whole
only to be quickly regurgitated
for their foulness

god forbid, these damned debilitating blues
are just a result of life
as it is

so, in need of reason
yet, finding none
I inflict one
and go walking in the cold hard rain

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I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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Comments

Your theme is good but I found a couple of cliché's in there that seemed not up to your usual write:- God forbid - ad infinitum - in lieu of...not sure what to say otherwise just not your usual way,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I'm not sure all your examples could be classified as cliches...just overused, or simply seeming out of place in the piece.... but I defer to your sense of style, taste, and grace. (I agree with you on this matter). alterations have been done.

thanks for the input

regards,

Al

author comment

Your piece reads a lot better now I have thought about it.
That you punish your ways by having to walk in hard rain in this write, well there is no need.
There must be other ways of stopping those thoughts filtering through.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

must be the effect of the workshops. This is a very effective one. Though sometimes I give up walking and take doona comfort.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

had to look up "Doona". I like it. I'll probably never get to use it in writing, but like knowing it anyway

thanks for the feedback

Al

author comment
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