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No Malice
No Malice
I called this old dog Malice,
though he wouldn’t hurt a fly
I’m passing a town called Alice,
though I can’t imagine why.
I’ve followed him the longest way,
while he’s just followed his nose.
If only he had learned to obey,
instead of doing what he chose.
We’ve swam across the wildest river,
crawled through deserts dry and bare.
Then snows that made my body shiver,
all the while I’ve wondered where.
Where the heck you taking me,
I’d shout while drawing breath.
He’d just keep on running free,
sure as hell he’ll be my death.
Deep in valleys then over each hill
his old legs just kept on pounding.
While I’m feeling very faint and ill,
his energy and power are astounding.
I keep thinking what the hell we chasing,
could it be just around the bend.
What kind of furore could I be facing,
is there to be a most horrible end.
Will I have to fight an enormous beast,
or find Alice or her crazy rabbit hole.
If there was some kind of clue at least,
maybe I’d be able to get some control.
So here I am still chasing this old hound,
thinking is this what my life’s meant to be.
Then an epiphany as I top a large mound,
I discover that old hounds really me.
Attaining my great piece of insight,
you’d think I’d halt my great chase,
but alas I pretty shamefully admit,
to quickening my meandering pace.
Last few words:
It's almost true....
Editing stage:
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Comments
weirdelf
Sat, 2016-04-30 05:09
Cool, an enjoyable read, Roscoe
Has a haunting quality that belies the humorous tone, unsuspected depths you might say.
That last verse is a bit clunky, eh? I can see why you changed the structure for the denouement but it doesn't scan. It could be as simple a fix as something like
halt this never-ending chase,
and I think perhaps 'mediocre' is a bit harsh, don't you? Maybe 'meandering', 'faltering' or 'unsteady'?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
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Roscoe Lane
Mon, 2016-05-02 01:45
Thank you Jess,
Thank you Jess, i have made a few changes i hope this helps the ending. Regards Roscoe....
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentweirdelf
Mon, 2016-05-02 06:57
oh, much better!
love it.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Sat, 2016-04-30 07:25
Hey Roscoe
First the bad news. The first stanza 3rd line is a forced rhyme. But I'm sure you can come up with and alternate. And I think it's furor not furore. Now the good. The hound is actually your wanderlust which has led you on. It does me the same way. I like how you compared it to an undisciplined hound. I also like your breaking form is last stanza to enforce the epiphany but like Jess I think you might tidy that stanza up a bit. All in all avery enjoyable read..........stan
weirdelf
Mon, 2016-05-02 21:51
Forced rhyme?
You Southerners must talk funny.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Roscoe Lane
Mon, 2016-05-02 01:54
Thank you Stan,
Thank you Stan, furore and furor are both the same, i don't know if one is American English and the other English. I have changed a few things i hope this tidies things up a bit. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentRula
Sat, 2016-04-30 13:53
very clever I thought
may be you'd like to capitalize "Malice" the same way you did with Alice.
Enjoyed.
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Roscoe Lane
Mon, 2016-05-02 01:56
Thank you Rula,
Thank you Rula, of course you are correct, the dogs name is indeed Malice. Love Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentbrittle light
Mon, 2016-05-02 14:53
Hello Roscoe,
I like this piece a lot
it runs pretty damn smooth
I took this part of your journey to be in Australia,
because of a "town called Alice" (Springs)
and the epiphany taking place on a large mound (Ayers Rock/Uluru), considered a spiritual place by the Aboriginal people.
Anyway, that's how I saw it.
I know that is irrelevant to the theme but it added another dimension for me.
Good work
regards,
Al
Roscoe Lane
Fri, 2016-05-06 00:28
Thank you,
Thank you Al. Yes that's exactly where i was thinking of, though i've never been to Australia. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentlovedly
Sat, 2016-10-01 13:38
furore and furor
furore and furor
same meaning
google it but
ENGLSH now has many varieties
English UK or USA or AUSSIES
so many
however it conveys your meaning
very harmonical poetry