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No Kids Live Here
No kids live here,
only the occasional Eastern Grey Squirrel,
and the black squirrels I saw for the first time
five years ago in Canton.
I've not seen a child 'round these parts,
save for once or twice;
once or twice my own,
or the children of one of my neighbors,
while visiting.
And it's not that it's an unfriendly place;
it's pleasant enough, in fact.
But this place,
where the lawn is mowed,
is a transition more than a home.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Sun, 2020-01-19 12:10
Greetings
Sorry I missed this one. What a sad description of living in a retirement center. I'd never even considered how the lack of children being around must affect people. I think perhaps the last stanza needs another line or two to reinforce the one about the lawn being mowed. Maybe something about the meals cooked and the clean hallways. Not being much of a free verser myself, this about the only fault I can find . Hmmmm......perhaps a few alliterations if you can figure out where to put them?
Conect11
Tue, 2020-02-11 23:30
thank you
I agree with both you and Chrys, the poem does end rather abruptly. I can see where you might thing this is about a retirement home, but it in fact about the apartment complex I lived in right after my first divorce. It seemed more a place for men after their marriages failed than a lasting home to me. I always saw it as very transitional.
author commentc lynn brooks
Mon, 2020-01-20 15:43
sad
I feel the emptiness in your words I live in a retirement community and love it . I did expect a little more in this write it left off rather abruptly
Chrys
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lovedly
Wed, 2020-02-12 06:27
first divorce???
did u divorce again
A sad piece of poetry
but powerful after one is placed in that kinda predicament
Hope you will polish it as suggested
I learn t a lot from NEO Poets