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Night's Shrines

Outside, Night cloaks Time, becoming limitless.
His shadows spread. His quest begins.
In search of strength, Night seduces Clarity.

Whispering lovely tales,
Past tragedies resurface with color.
Hues of romance. Hues of lust.
Week-knees and fluttering critters.
Her memories mumbling uncertainties.
Their time.


Transparent clouds form around her thoughts,
Fragmented memories of them.
The idea of what they could have been.
The idea of what they were.
The image of an 'ideal' never lived.

Night's words seep through secured shields,
Allowing restlessness to grow infinitely.
With sleep becoming untouchable,
Rapture of the sky is undeniable.

Yet, glowing wishes decorating the sky,
Are the only reminders of reality.
Night's past preys warn Clarity of his ways.
His sweet empty words and promises,
Leading only towards a slow internal death.
Muted of any life and dignity,
they wait for their time to end.

Morphed into shrines they witness the frailty of emotion.
Oblivious bystanders admiring their beauty,
alongside the majestic Night.
Night who preys on the wounded.
Night that provides false secure hope.
Night that collects dreams and aspirations.
Night's shrines are endless in the sky.
Clarity becoming only one more among them.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Not to sure about if the ending is to abrupt or going in a different direction. Any thoughts?
Editing stage: 


The title to me seems appropriate, as too the ending. All in all the poem captures the strong sentiments as well as resentments (if I read it right) about someone who seduced many and then dumped them later on lamenting in a shrine if so Dark Shrines could be a suggestion for the title..just a thought...

I liked some of the word usages too...


raj (sublime_ocean)

I like your interpretation of the word shrine. I meant it kind of in a different way, more along figurative shrines (stars) that belong to the character of Night. The shrines are in a sense 'trophies' that Night has and that people make wishes on (like a literal shrines) when they see them in the night sky. Night is compared to a god with many conquests and many shrines (stars) that people seek and admire. I'm not sure if I am explaining this in a way that makes sense to anyone but me... Maybe it would be helpful to know that this poem was meant to reflect those moments at night when your thoughts are consumed by the good memories of a past lover and time is limitless. Those moments when you can't sleep and somehow the night passes and only pain is achieved.

However, that's the beauty of poems. They can be interpreted in many ways.

author comment

Thanks Layune for providing insights on your poem. I realize that my perceptions were way off target, but then as yourightly mentioned the interpretations vary...I liked your explanation and appreciate your poem even more now...


raj (sublime_ocean)

I commented on your last piece from April this year and since then nothing, now I hope you are going to maintain a presence for us.
Your works are refreshing and we need new things here so don't be a stranger.
Yours Ian.T

Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Thank you for your support. I am going to try to keep a more active presence here. I need to keep writing poetry, but suffer from lapses of uncertainty.

author comment
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