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Night's Secret Beauty, Rare

Submitted by docmaverick on Mon, 2012-03-12 10:16

The moonlight pales
in the wake of your existence,
it's nice to be allowed to see your face.

Treasured seconds, too short
I'm sorry to report,

Fate's not this generous with, "grace".

~

My shadowy thoughts
dare not boast my heart includes
the wondrous likes of you;

while the shadows play
time drifts away,

while your spirit holds the moment, "true".

~

Then, within the pale;
and empty, hollowed dreamscape
that's solely, only mine;

I'd pay the price
for a nectar so, nice;

OH! To sip of your sweet wine!

~

And as the dawn
yawns, and stretches, wide awake
in celebration of your very, name;

the evening may "flee"
but, you can't tell me,

"it" hadn't crossed your mind, just the same!

~

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
On this particular night I met night's secret, beauty....rare....and, her name was...Honey-comb. docmaverick.
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Candlewitch

Mon, 2012-03-12 11:22

Candlewitch's picture
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Good title! I like the way that you have structured your poem...the way the lines flow one to the next. Good rhymes. This piece sounds lovely and sincere when read aloud. My favorite lines:

Then, within the pale;
and empty, hollowed dreamscape
that's solely, only mine;

I'd pay the price
for a nectar so, nice;

OH! To sip of your sweet wine!
always, Cat

*
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And reply in kind, thanks.

docmaverick

Mon, 2012-03-12 12:54

docmaverick's picture

...you always did have a place in your heart for my "gentler", more "wistful" nature. Thanx for the encouragement. It's very nice to hear from you!
Sincerely,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

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