Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Night is Young

Every night
before I sleep
get a feeling
am young still

as I slumber deep
can no more sleep
with open eyes
i sweep across my life
as it passes by

Then I twist and twirl
my body says stay still

no one knows
whether I am alive
my night passes
steadily
hoping I will live

Though deaf
I can hear clearly
the sun's rays
smile at me

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Daily I see dawn when I go to sleep Lonely nights
Editing stage: 

Comments

The last two lines in the stanza before the last to avoid some repetition

(the sun rays say
wake up Lovedy)

A perfect ending.... I really like it.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

done

author comment

NIGHT IS YOUNG

Such a brilliant description of one's feeling of restlessness when one goes to sleep at night. Loved the way you have crafted the poem. It is such a delight to read it. Thanks a ton for sharing.10+++

the night is young poem

author comment

didn't you

author comment

I would just tweak a couple of words to polish it up. In the second strophe you have two "buts" that can easily be removed. There are several extra "buts", I would remove most of them. TorT. Enjoyed a lot lovedly.

*
*
*
"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

mA'AM

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.