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Night Walk

A soft almost indigo light
Pervades the garden
Casting oddly velvet shadows
From trees and plants on
The moss framed cobble stones
That meander round corners
In sweeping bends
To accommodate the ferns
And hosta

Moisture pervades and adds
the scent of composting generations
Wetting the cobbles
Dripping from leaves

Ancient trees canopy and
Old damp stone walls
Protect this oasis from the
Roaring traffic just meters away

There is no sound here save
my muted footsteps
An oasis of guarded silence
In a riotously loud city

Common wisdom suggests
Not to walk here at night
For the yin to my peaceful yang
Lies in wait

I choose to be here knowing that
Peace will drive the other away

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
There is a small manicured jungle park on the Avenida Paulista in Sao Paulo...
Editing stage: 

Comments

This is awesome, the words just flowed the rhythm was perfect, I can see your jungle park your words captured the beauty of this place. I dont think I have read a poem from you that I didnt like this ones wonderful its bookmarked :)

love Jayne-Chloe x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Jayne, its a joy to know you think of my work as you do. Thank you so much. You are so very kind!

Love And peace,

Joe

My mind's writing cheques my body can't cash.

author comment

can't still believe
it's a metre long ...
you work in depth in knots
all know
but metre perhaps
is a bit too long ...

loved

My sweet friend forgive me but your reference to "metre" eludes me entrely.

Blessings,

Joe

My mind's writing cheques my body can't cash.

author comment

which now
that or this?

hahahaaha

loved

Loved you got me on this one! Lol!

HAHAHAHA

joe

My mind's writing cheques my body can't cash.

author comment

These places are the Oases of the cities and as you portray their beauty by day the night is for Gee to write of.
" Lie in wait" Would this be better in the another tense as "Lies in wait"
The poem was well written and the theme excellent,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Ian thanks for catching that. You're correct and the change has been made. Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment.

Best regards,
Joe

My mind's writing cheques my body can't cash.

author comment

read my talk
I can't wait for another 10 hours so let's walk

when I walk at night

people stare and glare catches my eyes,
it's no surprise
they put me wise
where in the middle of the night
I walk alone
then allege rape
they attempt

place yourself in their hungry position
awaiting a bait all day and night
they love to fish in day
as well as night
but tis easier to catch fish
whenever one does wish…

the walk at night alone
scares me no more
the night is no more virgin
than the one who wants to give in,

so walk alongside with me
for a walk talk
then don’t say twas only a walk…
twill be unfair to both of us
now let's do some business..

loved

This is a sensual and teasing piece you have written. Taking the reader with you to encounter danger. And the danger is you! ;-)

Joe

My mind's writing cheques my body can't cash.

author comment

as I mentioned earlier
I am just an ACTOR OF POETRY
the poem is not essentially me
at best none is factual
all imagination and visuals ..

thanks for the toleration sailor
u must have had a great following

loved

this is really lovely, simple but beautifully put

A soft almost indigo light
Pervades the garden
Casting oddly velvet shadows
From trees and plants on
The moss framed cobble stones
That meander round corners
In sweeping bends
To accommodate the ferns
And hosta pitch perfect, very satisfying to read although I'll have to look up 'hosta'

Moisture pervades and adds
the scent of composting generations
Wetting the cobbles
Dripping from leaves

Ancient trees canopy and
Old damp stone walls
Protect this oasis from the--not mad about oasis, a bit old hat but its ok
Roaring traffic just meters away-'roaring also seems predictable and 'just' says nothing, i find myself editing that word out of poem after poem i write.

There is no sound here save-save is a bit old fashioned, 'poetic' language from a bygone era.
my muted footsteps
An oasis of guarded silence
In a riotously loud city- try to use images to convey feeling rather than adjectives e.g. a this city is a drunk lady screaming (just an example not a suggestion)

Common wisdom suggests-again i don't think you need to wrap up the poem with a philosophical conclusion, from here to the end is unnecessary.
Also when writing free verse it's usual not to start every line with a capital letter, but to write as you would prose.
And finally i think your good enough to ask for full on crits, it can only do you good, even if at times your ego gets a bit bruised.
in the year of the dragon
ross

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