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Night Tunes

night sings quietly
a song virtually heard

the whoosh of clouds
rushing through a spooky spot of darkness
dew squishing out of the cool thin air
the clippity clop of a running bug

hushed, lush tones of private wonder
vibrate a sympathetic cerebral harp
and I am adjoined in the symphony

rhapsodizing till dawn

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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Comments

Word choices like whoosh, spooky, squishing, clippity clop create a child-like air at first.

Then the rest is rich, deep verse, very adult. It's not a transition it's a dichotomy and it works well.

I rhapsodise with you. A gem of a piece. No crits, sorry.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

‘the whoosh of clouds
rushing through a spooky spot of darkness ‘
- awesome

just a couple of things
a song virtually heard’ – it’s not really virtual is it, as it is literally heard
maybe
‘a subliminal song heard’ (and maybe even lose 'heard'?)
'night sings quietly
a subliminal song '

‘and I am adjoined in the symphony’ – ‘adjoined’ wrong word I think
‘and I am joined in the symphony’
‘and I float within the symphony’

love the idea of
‘rhapsodizing till dawn’

wonderful word usage al
I enjoyed this
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

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