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Night Market

Entering the night market
i could smell the thick stench of despair,
far worse than vomit and urine

Young girls and women here,
foreign and locals flocked together,
their painted faces hiding tears

Each bound by invisible shackles,
no longer owning their bodies..
Freedom to them is only a dream

But tonight, my presence here
will cleanse this stain from the city
and release them from slavery

A fat man stared at me, frowning.
He barked at me to scare me
but I only reply with a grin

As he raised his clenched fist
I aimed my gun at his face,
then he gulped , losing courage

A single command coming from me
and my comrades stormed into the market
the heroes they're trained to be

The scums resisted then tried to flee
but we pounced on them, merciless
wolves facing their prey

One night market out of business,
a hundred more still exist..
Same story, same beasts..

Our hunt is far from over
but tonight we'll celebrate
the freedom we return to the slaves...

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

you're adding to your collection. I like it. Really do

in the lines
like the heroes they're trained to be
and
like wolves facing their preys

I'd remove "like" to have a stronger metaphor instead of using simile.....Just thoughts
so it would read
heroes they're trained to be
and
wolves facing their preys.

If I were you and following Wesley's advice on how we can add solutions to solve the problem, I'd add a stanza or two on how Islam (and may be other religions I'm not aware of )forbade slavery with all its types. Just a thought if you like.
Thanks for sharing.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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This is a truly imaginative subject matter. I like it much.
Below is the only technical problem I had with the piece. The poetry is stand out interesting.

The scums resisted then tried to flee
but we pounced on them mercilessly
(but we pounced on them, merciless)
wolves facing their preys (eliminate the "s").

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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thank you for the visit and the feedbacks, I'm glad you like this piece.

Alid

author comment

My only contribution, a reading
https://soundcloud.com/jess-tapper/night-market

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
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I've posted "Irene Gray", to introduce the last character to complete my team of hunters. This poem is about the reporter with a dark past, who migrate to another country and continue her work in the trade. At the end of the poem, she will meet with Sulong Fazwan to help him find out the gang of traitors among the law enforcers. This is the meeting which will turn her into one of the valued members in the Grace's team of hunters.

Alid

author comment

Got to say thumbs up for this little gem! A good theme, nice, descriptive imagery, and all molded together with style and finesse! Congrats!

Glad you liked this. By the way, I've posted "Irene Gray". The poem is focused on the last member of the hunters. At the end of that poem, I linked her to Sulong Fazwan, who is the main character in this poem, at the same time, opening the way for her first assignment with him. Do check on it and offer your feedback when you can.

Alid

author comment
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