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Night dreams

It’s a dark night.
I am reading a book.
A dim light,
Stars aren’t giving a look
Into my window.
It’s autumn
In our Kingdom,
People are on the top,
On the top of their dreams…
Their dreams are about summer,
Bright sunny light,
But now the sun is just a runner,
Which tries to escape and doesn’t fight
With those clouds in the sky,
Which rain and rain and fly…

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I like it. I like the how you’ve connected emotional content to the seasons.

“Which tries to escape and doesn’t fight”
or
“Which tries to escape and does not fight”

May work better. I’m not basing it on grammar though I just feel like the extra syllable. My preference would be the latter “does not fight”

Please take my critique lightly. Nice job.

Tim

Thank you,Tim.
Nice ideas.

author comment

Well,I'll try.

author comment

Glad to see you. It must be hard in the Ukraine right now, even reading a book has it's dangers if you want to read by a light of any kind. It's hard for me to imagine, I truly hope that your country is afforded some relief soon. The only thing that I see to change, is deleting the [ly] from brightly. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Thank you for the correction.
And thank you for your kind words!
The more people believe in peace - the more possibility it will come true.

author comment
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