Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Night

We staggered and uncovered the graves
With this savaged blood
Drawing out of the fissures
Or at the center where nothing living grows
And on which ambush comes pulleyed.

Our fingers shook as we punched the wits out of the fresco-crypts
But at a turnout flesh along the sweat...the walls didn't move a tear.....but we did
Were we mug enough to hit ourselves?
Were they with the gloves!!

The circles dance in circus
And the dolls had been ripped a rumble to silence
While our skins are drawn tight across it's cheekbones
As we expected the worse... gnashing the blood that dribbled through the lip linens.

Guilt trickled through our hairlines like a power tussle this time.
Diving into our melanin and definitely craving for the blood
And now...we learnt...they had left us
Smuggled in the middle of our rivers
Or Nada! It had left us to drawn into the spirit lands.

We went for the graves but the spirits came for us
Still dressed in whirling robe
They rummaged through the hounds but couldn't lift a wand
They left a grin...as though it was never too late to flip close our page
And as if....we never tugged their craves
And as if....we never tucked their graves!!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Contest: 

Comments

has some of the real macabre about it:

The circles dance in circus
And the dolls had been ripped a rumble to silence
While our skins are drawn tight across it's cheekbones
As we expected the worse... gnashing the blood that drippled through the lip linens.

I think you meant dribble, not "dripple".

I would have liked to have seen that continue, though I have to say this really gave me chills.

JTA

Hello quillsveinback.....
Thanks for the review.....
Yeah! I did mean dribble*......dripple....
My thanks from here!!!

author comment

Oh okay Mark!

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.