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NEXT HILL

Whew, that was a rocky hill
and pretty steep along the way
so I'll take a rest right here until
the cool of evening comes my way.
.....This old stump will make a comfy seat.

From here I can not see the valley
where this long walk had first begun,
it's far too distant now to see
in the fading light of setting sun.
.....I've come so far on tired old feet.

All these hills along this ridge,
each one different yet the same,
some here and there spanned by a bridge;
most were abundant with wild game
......or muscadines dark blue and sweet.

I slowly stand at next hill's base
watching others fade into a cloud
then slowly resume my slow pace
with an exhalation long and loud
......listening to my old heart beat.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
happy birthday to me
Editing stage: 

Comments

A beautiful hike to celebrate your birthday? Nice. Only one little thing, I think you need the word to be:
[begun] not began. As always, you evoke the need to get out and in the woods for just a little bit. Not a chance yet, there is still too much snow in the woods and it's still too brisk for my blood. But, the poem is here and I can lean back and imagine the scene as you describe it and I'm there! Thanks for sharing your birthday hike with me! ~ Gee.
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Where the long walk first begun? I think began is right. Now if it was where the walk had first... then begun would be right. Still snow up your way and all I've had is a single 1 inch snow. Sunny south I guess although it seems it's raining a Lot here. Always good to have you drop by

author comment

what I was thinking! Of course, it's began! I was looking at it from a slanted point of view, [rhymer]. I wanted the line to rhyme with sun! I think that you could manage it, with the addition of the word [was]. ~ Gee.
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Critique or comment today!

YOU were right and I just made the adjustment needed. Thanks

author comment

Always good to have new people come by. I appreciate your time to read and comment

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