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Neopoet Challenge Contest #15 My Mother

Tall, fair, beautiful,
Wise and thoughtful too
All qualities she's endowed with
Always gives me peace

Oh! mother dear
How much I love you so
For you stuck with my twin and I
Through thick and thin

Like a mother hen
We're safe in your care
Busy or free
You are there for me

Your eyes like that of a gem
Your lips bring forth
Words of advice
As I scale through life

After years of practice
Your hands stir up dishes
Dutifully around the kitchen
That taste so amazing

Your heart so pure
And full of love
That's worth more than gold
Your smile spreads happiness
That can't be explained

I do have more to say
But I don't have all day
A mothers love is endless
As the sun rises and sets

Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Motherhood is indeed a sacred trust and a divine duty.
You have done well for the most part. You do have a couple of errors
in tenses and possessives.

Either use these lines in this way or the other:

Like a mother hen
We're safe in your care
Busy or free
[You] are there for me

Like a mother hen
We're safe in her care
Busy or free
[She's] there for me

Leave off the [s] on taste

Good luck in the contest! ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I appreciate your time in reading through and pointing out errors. I have done the corrections and the poem looks better.

author comment

I like that you went back and took care of the things that were holding the piece back. If there is one thing that bugs me, it is when you give someone advice, they say O.K. and then they throw it aside like it's nothing. Not that I am always right or even have better thoughts about how to write something; if you have an idea that works better than mine or get one from somewhere else, that is fine. Just do something to make your work better. Thank you for responding, ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Really, this is one of the major reasons I joined Neopoet. I'm learning every step of the way and sharpening my poetic skills. Thank you for the guide and critique.

author comment

Geezer's advice (IMHO) is as good as gold! I see that you have followed it :) I think you are an excellent pupil and you will become a great poet. I really like your attitude about learning! my favorite lines are:

Like a mother hen
We're safe in your care
Busy or free
You are there for me

soon you will become the one giving the advice and helping others

.
*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

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