Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

NEGATIVE ONE : second edit of last lines .[formerly INFINITY]

Submitted by Geremia on Sat, 2012-08-11 17:40

NEGATIVE ONE

A breath
the time of a sigh
the middle of
a blink
of an eye
a failure of synchronicity
in space and time…
suddenly
we become
negative one

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

Ian.T

Sat, 2012-08-18 03:50

Joe

A grand description of infinity, even Einstein had the sense to bend the travelors ways to return to the origin. Does this mean that Infinity is Now ?
I liked your words on this they brought thought with them,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Geremia

Sat, 2012-08-18 16:28

Thanks, Ian.

author comment

weirdelf

Sat, 2012-08-18 15:24

Almost Japanese in it's brevity and profundity

A major work.

I question the title and the last word, it leads to expectations of triviality, and is much over-used.

Perhaps...

oh, fuck, I can't think of anything better.

For the last word 'eternity'?

For the title, perhaps it doesn't need one, if you re-wrote it as a Tanka. But that is a big ask.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Geremia

Sat, 2012-08-18 16:32

Thanks. I think I've got it.

Thanks. I think I've got it. Ruins the rhyme, but what the hell.

author comment

weirdelf

Sat, 2012-08-18 16:56

I like this a lot better

pity about the rhyme, but see my new signature

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Geremia

Sat, 2012-08-18 18:26

You must have read it before

You must have read it before I changed it again.:)

author comment

Neopoet

NEGATIVE ONE : second edit of last lines .[formerly INFINITY]

Comments

Joe

Thanks, Ian.

Almost Japanese in it's brevity and profundity

Thanks. I think I've got it.

I like this a lot better

You must have read it before

Author information

Other recent work

Active Workshops & Contests

Contest

Workshop

Footer

Neopoet

You are here

NEGATIVE ONE : second edit of last lines .[formerly INFINITY]

Comments

Joe

Thanks, Ian.

Almost Japanese in it's brevity and profundity

Thanks. I think I've got it.

I like this a lot better

You must have read it before

User login

Author information

Other recent work

Active Workshops & Contests

Contest

Workshop

Footer