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Neater Meter, Almost a Sonnet

Submitted by Keith Logan on Sun, 2016-07-10 11:03

I hope someday to write a perfect sonnet
instead of this absurd excuse for meter,
with gentle touch of elegance upon it
and not insipid rhymes as brain cells peter.
Another time I’ll switch on my computer
then type away to keyboard’s friendly clicks,
I’ll finish with a flourish, a sharpshooter,
no longer this dispenser of old tricks.

But maybe I am still a hapless dreamer
whose trite expressions drone to no effect,
a man without a muse, a hopeless schemer,
still not an ounce of talent to detect.

When scansion throughout does not read well;
pray God, grant freedom from iambic hell.

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

jane210660

Sun, 2016-07-10 11:26

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Witty and echoing the thoughts of many I suspect.
I rather liked this, it made me smile and in my book, that's a definite thumbs up. Jx

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raj

Sun, 2016-07-10 12:26

I can relate to this very much in as much as discomfort with those strict forms and iambic meters is concerned ....appreciate your not giving up ..let's see what the queen of sonnets Judyanne has to say about this...i am sure you could be eager to hear her response..I hope she finds it good...mean while I think you should break the first stanza into two quadrants...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Geezer

Sun, 2016-07-10 13:04

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the decline of rhyme! Rhyme, meter and scansion are sadly neglected these days. I do write in freeform or whatever you might call it, but my heart belongs to the rhymer with good meter. I picked up a book of what is supposed to be the best American Poetry of 2007 and would you believe it ?
Not a single poem of rhyme! Not one!
Too bad that there are not enough poets out there that want to take the time and make the effort to write the sing-song works that were until only a decade or so ago, the backbone of poetry!
~ Gee.

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jane210660

Sun, 2016-07-10 15:24

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I'm working on a poem at the moment, that was supposed to be all clever, serious and not rhyming.
It had other ideas, it wrote itself in rhyme and made it much lighter.
That bloody muse!
Jx

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Keith Logan

Wed, 2016-07-13 08:19

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That Summer

Steam rose upon the sticky day that summer,
as surreal strangeness to the mist set in.
We stepped to beats played by a mystic drummer,
and waited for enchantment to begin.

Reflecting back, I wonder why we stopped,
to loiter there upon that hallowed ground.
How ill prepared we were for what then dropped,
the fearful secret soon to be unbound.

Four college kids whose light was set to dim,
by foolishly embarking on a dream;
a manuscript unearthed by fortune’s whim,
tormented us into a reckless scheme.

We sought to find a fortune down below,
observing the instructions in the scroll;
no thought for how the consequences grow,
or that the devil always takes his toll.

That empty tomb where once the ghoul would lie,
dark errant knight of twisted gallantry;
in death disturbed by dreams of days gone by,
still punished here for all eternity.

I never fully grasped what happened next,
how we escaped with liberty and health,
but ever since obeyed that ancient text,
and never more went seeking others’ wealth.

We do not dare, discuss the dreadful day,
that left us reeling and, just barely sane.
We live forever to repent and pray,
and hope someday to dull the hollow pain.

Though many summers passed, I can’t forget;
I’m older now and hope that I am wise.
I sometimes read that scroll and shudder yet,
believing life itself is our great prize.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
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K William

Sat, 2017-02-25 20:33

1

Keith Logan

Tue, 2017-02-21 21:01

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Shakespeare played around with the sonnet form in ways that the sonnet police would find objectionable if they ever really bothered to read his sonnets.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

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