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Natures rhythm

The tree that can sway
to the songs of the soft wind
send sweet leaves tumbling

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

This is so beautiful, and the title is perfect - to me it is like a gentle dance.
Thank you,
L

I think I was inspired by yours and rula's on this one, I was trying for Haiku but I am not sure if it could pass. I'm glad you liked it. I'm very grateful for the feed back.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

are
5 7 5
three line syllables
or 17 words in a single line
and all about nature

since I never count syllables
being inept
I appreciate thoughts
studded behind a poet's words
this is such a one
Teddy 15

You are lovely.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

at least some one thinks so

dance indeed. I love this one, especially as it portrays my favorite plant. Trees! Thank you for this great Haiku. ~ Geezer.
.

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

Thank you! So it can be an Haiku, I was hoping so but lines being out of 5 7 5 wasn't so sure. I'm really rusty and so pleased to hear your lovely words of encouragement

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

as far as a short poem it is lovely
but you missed the mark for a Haiku
try again
first line- five beats
2nd line 7 beats
3rd line 7 beats
the more you write them the easier it gets
this might help tap and count as you are reading the line
good luck don't give up

Let your mercy spill on all those
burning hearts in hell( L.Cohen)

I thought so I wasn't sure about just 17 syllables and line rules I'm really rusty.
Excellent, thank you

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

The third line IS five beats.
Sends/ sweet/ leaves/ tum/bling ~ Geezer.
.

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

I think I could do with a refresh course on haiku if your in, so is it correct now or can I add 2 more words. I'm so rusty
I liked when it was tumbling to ground
I'd love to have some help

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

the expert, but I looked it up on line and it is supposed to be 5-7-5 and this is. ~ Geezer.
.

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

How kind of you to come back. Yes now it is but the original was not so thanks to you all for your encorougement, I have edited

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

Double post

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

Awesome.
Well captured dear teddy

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Thank you sweet Rula.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment
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