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Nameless Fiend

I am standing at the cliff's edge
as I look out to the sea;
waves crash on a nameless shoreline
stirred up by a nameless wind.

In my spirit I am pounding,
filled with dread anticipation.
Something in the air is stirring-
portent of a nameless fiend.

I can feel her fiery breathing
and can see her charming eyes.
I am incapacitated
by the shadow of her being.

She's the mother of confusion,
the enchantress of despair;
keeper of a flock of sorrows,
goat-herd of a thousand fears.

In the storm clouds lowly lying
pregnant with a load of woe,
rides her throne in middle heaven
cast in a devouring night.

As the day slips into darkness
and my courage withers more,
she arrives in all her splendour,
clad in most commanding black:

"Come, my love, and cease resistance.
Let us waltz into the night.
Come, forsake all light and living.
Sacrifice your will to me."

I am weak and I am broken,
I have lost, for she has spoken.
So I step unto the scaffold
as her mists engulf my soul.

There's a calmness in her bosom
reminiscent of one's death.
In the doldrums of my defeat
there is not a thing that breathes.

Then I hear a distant echo
from the corner of my cage:
Something outside must be stirring
that I do not comprehend.

All goes dark and all falls silent
but I think I hear a voice.
Must be my imagination,
but it draws a smile from me.

I am lying in the sunshine
looking up to clear blue skies,
as a gentle, nameless sea breeze
ushers in a nameless hope.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage: 

Comments

caught my breath till the last line where I thought I'd meet a beast or so but thanks Allah for it was much better of what I anticipated.
I thought you'd like to join Wesley's latest work shop. I bet you'll enjoy .

I think the title works really well to give some suspense to the reader.
and as for the pace of the rhythm , I think it flows really well

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Rula. I'm glad this worked out exactly as I had wanted it to. :)

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

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author comment

I used the nameless to hit on the point and build up the tension/interest. Then I intentionally left the word out until the last stanza, where the repetition calls the first part of the poem to mind. It sort of mirrors the last stanza.

Thanks so much for your honest critique. It often brings out the best in a poem. :)

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

I always come to your poetry with a smile knowing that I will get knights, monsters, evil enchantresses or some such delightful offerings. So little of the 21st century in what you write. Thank the gods.
See you at the workshop.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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After reading the Kalevala, I thought it would be wonderful to write a non-rhyming poem in meter. I never felt comfortable with the idea, but after this, I may want to stick to it for a while.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment
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