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Naked Trees (Naked Trees November contest)

How in pale I wonder,
These beloved trees,
Once dressed in green glamour and glitz
flapping majestically its apparel
a seasonal blessing of nature
why not ask the birds its prominence
an abode of leisure and fresh air.

when will thou recuperate from this disgrace?
this nudity of time,
oh, a brutal rape of shame
the birds longed for you again
I'll tell them when you return.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I can't really remember reading any of your poems beautifully crafted as this.Nice piece,well done Chiori.

good imagery

A well-crafted contribution to the contest! I love the word choices and images.

Good luck with the contest,
Kelsey

Advocates Coordinator

Critique, don't comment.

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An enjoyable short poem . The last line Really makes this poem. good luck in contest.......stan

AND CONGRATS FOR AN HM
I TOO EARNED ONCE
MY HEART NEARLY BURST
THEY know it will

so I Never ever in life
have ever come FIRST
SECOND FROM FRONT
ALWAYS
LAST BUT ONE
IN MARATHON

for the November contest!

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

I would like to be enlightened about the close runner up

always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing

author comment

I'm better at helping others than I am at writing my own work and it gives me great pleasure to help a poet grow. I've just been though a long cycle of depression and eagerly look forward to an 'up' cycle of benefitial feedback to others and someof my mothrr]sr of my groem feednsch mosrer.
I've cried, I've hr;o sr gtomr

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

I've cried, I've hr;o sr gtomr"
I have no idea what that means. I have been partying for four days at a Mushaira with pretty poets, angels and various illegal substances, celebrating my 60th birthday.
My motto is from the Japanese TV series "Monkey"- The nature of Jess is irrepressible.
I always come back.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

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