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my vanity is my sanity

mommy told me not to cry
but i see you trying to crawl back in my spine
am i going insane? are the chemicals rotting my brain?
your endless cycle of interrogation
im on a whole other vibration

ill reveal who you truly are, ill make you go away
evil being, are you real, i have no say
my word or your word who do i go to
you made me think i liked the color blue
unable to stay on one channel
i lived the lie you told me
when will i see that all this pain,
its because of you and me

you hate when i ignore you
and you like it when i embrace you,
feeling every detail about you
you waste of space
youre nothing without me
and the darkness you feed
ill break down both our knees
itll both be our turn to soar like a bee

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
im really new to poetry, ive written before a few times but i was never really confident. this poem is mainly about myself battling myself along with my ego. i struggle with mental illness and most of the time i find creativity a challenge because my mind feels like a train traveling an infinity amount of destinations per second. i would love some tips and some good criticism on how i can improve. thank you for reading.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Hello, ember,
Welcome to Neopoet! Thank goodness we have poetry! I never know how I truly feel about most things until I write a bit of poetry. Clears my head, heart, and soul. I sense that this poem may do that for you - straight-forward and honest. Very strong emotion and feeling within your poem. Your first line is intriguing and draws the reader to empathize, as does your theme. The last line gives nice closure and a lot of hope. I look forward to reading more.
Thank you!
Lavender

Keep writing, I’m looking forward to reading more from you.

As Teddy said, your piece is worthy of an edit. The editing process is something to get used to. Sometimes a difficult thig to do. Orgqnizing the flow makes a better read for the reader.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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with everything said by the commenters above. I will give you a lot of credit for asking for help and a lot for being able to write as honestly as you have. Watch your punctuation and read it out loud a few times to see how it sounds. That always helps to let you see how other people will see it. Welcome to Neo. and continue to write. Read a lot of poetry here on the site and get a sense of what you like. And never be afraid to ask questions and and ask for help. That's what we live for; helping ourselves and others, to be the best poets we can be! ~ Geezer.
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It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

i appreciate all your feedback, it really helps me a lot! im still experimenting and learning so thank you. when im writing poetry, i usually just say how i feel. i realize that poetry still has to have some sort of structure or it will end up being just be a big body of text.

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