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MY TRAILS
I've walked wild trails for far too long
in my quest for solitude and game,
both back when I was young and strong
and now that I've grown old and lame.
Not for me the gentle ways
paved and free of briers and brush
tread on naught but sunny days,
trampled flat by steady rush.
Let such paths be left to others
who always choose the easy route,
who don't mind jostling with their brothers
in tame herds milling all about.
Give me trails through rugged land
requiring they be walked with care,
traveled alone, not in a band
with snags that make me trip and swear.
Even now as lame legs become weak
I prefer shallow fords to bridges,
and striving to reach a hill's peak
as I traverse these last few ridges.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
scribbler
Tue, 2012-07-10 21:10
Hi Lonnie
Thanks for walking along with me.............stan
author commentRoscoe Lane
Wed, 2012-07-11 15:15
Another ,
Another walk through the wilds with Stan, another great poem from Stan. Just one or two little suggestions.
Line two, try, in my quest for solitude and game... Line four try, even now when i'm old and lame. Line seven, i think you meant, tread only on sunny days. Line ten, try, who only choose an easy route,. Line eleven try, and don't mind jostling with brothers. Line twelve, try, or the lame herds that mill about. Line nineteen, try taking away the and at the begining. Hope this helps Regards Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
scribbler
Wed, 2012-07-11 17:50
hi Roscoe
I appreciate the ideas. I'm aware this one needs tweeking and I'll let it set another few days and give it another shot with your suggestions in mind,,,,,,,,,,,stan
author commentCandlewitch
Thu, 2022-04-28 04:48
dear Scribbler,
thanks for taking me along on your trek! I loved these Lines:
Give me trails through rugged land
requiring they be walked with care,
traveled alone, not in a band
with snags that make me trip and swear.
good rhyming!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
scribbler
Thu, 2022-04-28 12:16
Hi Cat
always good to have brought you along
author comment