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My Place in the World

Submitted by IRiz on Sun, 2018-05-20 21:12

Petals have melted. At first,
they were blossoming clouds,
then wandering swirls,

completing the cycle,
they are now transparent,
glistening scales on the road.

On the sloping shoulders
the asphalt is black almost oily.
The rain is over.

River has blown up. It stands
in every crevice
reflecting the sky.

And in one of them is my face
on the background of
trembling branches

and emerald leaves.
Or maybe it is my hair entangled
with the late spring

and this is my place in the world
where everything is upside down
and petals must fade on the floor.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
Last few words: 
not sure if it is clear that i mean "in one of those reflections, I see myself"
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

gregwa8

Mon, 2018-05-21 00:22

gregwa8's picture

beautiful!

IRiz

Wed, 2018-05-23 10:07

IRiz's picture
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Thank you

IRiz

author comment

IRiz

Wed, 2018-05-23 10:08

IRiz's picture
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Thank you very much for reading, I am glad you can relate my words

IRiz

author comment

chevyvent

Mon, 2018-05-21 10:49

chevyvent's picture

creativity with good intentions, "write from your heart, and you will make a diffence.." I like that- hope I can follow through on that good advice
Nice sentiments in this bitter-sweet write! Memories of loved ones linger on in nature's signs
I am privileged now to be able to sit and ponder on our veranda. It is where I get most inspiration, and this is inspirational. Thank you for sharing. God Bless.

Mario Vitale

IRiz

Mon, 2018-05-21 11:48

IRiz's picture
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Dear Mario,
It is my distinct pleasure to know that my poem is in your hands on such a nice occasion.
What can be better than to sit outside the house and enjoy the fresh air, poetry and a drink. What did you have? Hot tea? Coffee? Cold beer in a heavy mug? Chilled white wine? Milk and cookies?

IRiz

author comment

raj

Mon, 2018-05-21 13:31

I believe at some point of life everyone tries to relate himself / herself with their place and role in the universe and you have described it so well in your inimitable style
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raj (sublime_ocean)

IRiz

Mon, 2018-05-21 13:48

IRiz's picture
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Hello dear Raj,
Thank you for reading.
Really? You think I have style?

IRiz

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raj

Mon, 2018-05-21 13:57

Yes some of the characteristics of your writing being distinctive I said so.
..............................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

IRiz

Mon, 2018-05-21 14:18

IRiz's picture
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Sweet, thank you!

IRiz

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raj

Mon, 2018-05-21 14:27

One of the distinctive features of your writing is that many a times you use elements of nature and/or animals around you or in your mind's eye to create an image...like you have created in this poem a landscape to describe an experience of spring in it's bloom [created for me an image of cherry blossom trees in full bloom], roads winding on hills skiddy after rains...sound of rapids rushing through the ravines and so on making it a place you would always love to be in...
.............................................................................................................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

IRiz

Mon, 2018-05-21 20:51

IRiz's picture
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Yes, I like woods. Born in Moscow, lived in New York and Washington, I am suppose to be a poet of big cities. Maybe one day I will come back to urban topic. I love my towns. Have you seen my poem Return? Anyway thank you very much for your attentive reading.

IRiz

author comment

lovedly

Wed, 2018-05-23 12:32

lovedly's picture

Good poems

IRiz

Wed, 2018-05-23 11:52

IRiz's picture
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Lovedly,
You are officially insane I respect that but please
promise not to talk about me but about my poems.

IRiz

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lovedly

Wed, 2018-05-23 12:31

lovedly's picture

so I remove

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