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My Music Man

I sit and cry, here all alone

my head only filled with thoughts of bones

I feel so dead, like rotten fish

to feel alive is my only wish

but then there out of the blue

a window appears and leads to you

my music man, the love of my life

the one that comes to me in my strife

i push back the shudders, and step on the pane

leave my dirty world, where it has begun to rain

i step into a bright forest, where fairies surely live

then into my music man's arms to get a hug he wants to give

he wraps me in song, and ties me up with a bow

then sings a lovely verse about a lonely old crow

My eyes are open for the very first time

and all these words come to me, but in rhyme

I can taste the breeze instead of feeling it

smell the birds like a fire that's been lit

touch the noises like you would a child

this isn't scary and it isn't wild

my music man has opened more than my eyes

he's opened my world and i won't ever cry

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Some typos for you to look at my friend

a window appeairs and leads to you-----appears?

then into my music man's arms to get a hug he wantst to give----wasn't?

and all these words come to me, but in ryme--- Rhyme?

your music man sounds really cool. X

I see what you are doing with this poem, its total rhyming, i would like to see you write a free verse, i'm not convinced your head should be filled with bones? Maybe its a rhyming thing. I see such potential in your work so i am here to question you.

Thank you...Teddy

sorry grammar and me don't quite mix. The thoughts filled with bones lines represents thoughts of death. I'll fix my grammar

Vivi
(Love hanging with my family of poets)

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