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MY MOTHER ( Challenge Contest#15

My dear lovely mother,
in my heart and soul
I hold you in high esteem
for your unflinching determination
to raise me up
now is my turn to reward you handsomely

when the bright cloud disappeared with pain
your doggedness as a widow
has never dwindled yet
your unwavering spirit
remained resolute and
you kept moving with faith

The labour of love
parental care and protection
you gave me is the symbol of your character
your stewardship to humanity
you heartily rendered
shall bring you closer to heaven

I sing a dirge song now
your abrupt exit from mother earth
has left a vacuum here with us
who will fill your space so we can enjoy
a fresh air of salvation

though the monster came uninvited
holding all ends of mankind
with cold hands of invasion
pointing accusing fingers on the righteous
but I know your submission is not a defeat

for you have virtuously given your best
whilst you lived as a mother.

©® Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Comments

You need help with your tenses.

first stanza is alright.

[has] never dwindled]
[Remained] resolute
You [kept] moving

[The] labour of love
[shall bring] you closer to Heaven

[holding] all ends

Your language use is getting better
The pace is good
The theme is fitting
Logic is okay

~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Thanks so much for your time to read. Please check on it.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

just the suggestion that you should use a question mark whenever you ask a question.
[Who will fill your space... so that we can enjoy a fresh air of salvation[?]
~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Alright boss. Will be conscious of that from now

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

this is a lovely tribute to your mother's love. I really liked these lines:

The labour of love
parental care and protection
you gave me is the symbol of your character
your stewardship to humanity
you heartily rendered
shall bring you closer to heaven

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Yes, I really missed her so much. She was a nice woman.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment
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