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My Life

My Life

My life is just like the night sky.
All dark just small sparks of light.
Which is in no ones sight.
These sparks might mean something, but its too dark.
Its just too hard to think, so I let it sink.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

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Welcome to Neo. Seeing the shadow of depression, I can tell that this is personal to you. Either it is yourself or someone very close. I get whee this is going and see your anquish. I think that maybe you should eliminate a couple of those [justs]. Not only do you have them in close quarters with a poem so short, but three of them. I can only say that this would read much more smoothly if you would delete them, for they really have no use, except to take up space.
I would let it read as so:

My life is like the night sky
All dark with small sparks of light
Which are in no one's sight
These sparks may mean something
But, it's just too hard to think
So I let it sink
Of course, as is the policy here, you are free to use or discard any or all suggestions, this is your work. ~ Geezer.
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