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MY GRANDMOTHER HAD A CASSAVA FARM

MY GRANDMOTHER HAD A CASSAVA FARM

My grandmother had a cassava farm,
Where two clapping stones divulged ebon nuts,
For two naked children with both hands stretched,
A tearful meal before her aging knees.
And though she loved us, but sometimes she cried,
Wishing birth took us to a better place.

My grandmother had a cassava farm,
Where rain and sun and seasons beat on skin,
Where thieves and rodents shared an apartment,
And poor harvest too unleashed hunger pangs.
Though we broke kernels picked from wild palm trees,
The market value never changed our lives.

My grandmother had a cassava farm,
Where in her best fashion I was fashioned
Unintentionally out of fashion.
Not fully equipped for this war called Life,
And though we had nothing, and now I know
The source of my Muse is from that True Love.

My grandmother had a cassava farm
Watered by the falling beads from her eyes
Manured by endless prayers she sent to the top,
That hunger responded to, 'cause God wasn't there.
And we simultaneously grew poorer
At the desperate pace at which her age raced.

My grandmother had a cassava farm,
My grandmother had a cassava farm,
My grandmother had a cassava farm,
Where raw cassava was eaten with kernel nuts.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I like the pacing and the imagery and have just a couple of line issues:

"And though she loved us, but sometimes she cried,"

The "And" and "but" jar, rather than flow. Consider modifying the second half of the line

"And poor harvest too unleashed hunger pangs."

The "too" does not fit. Perhaps, "And a poor harvest unleashed hunger pangs" to keep the pentameter.

"Though we broke kernels picked from wild palm trees,
The market value never changed our lives. "

This is awesome.

"And though we had nothing, and now I know"

This needs a comma at the end of the line to maintain the flow into the next line.

"That hunger responded to, 'cause God wasn't there"

The "cause" kills the flow of this line.

Excellent work, I look forward to the edits.

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Jonathan Moore

i would like "we had almost nothing, but now i know". i love the vivid images. i love the repetition and at the end, this repetition is to me reminiscent of nursery rhymes, which fits with the age of the character. but - in no way is this a nursery rhyme, far from it, it is too sophisticated for that. love the last line. love all of it

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