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My ghost

I have lost my ghost
it was wrapped around my legs
an amorous infinite python

My food does not go mysteriously missing
my favourite spots are not occupied
I am not reproached for existing

My bed is my own!

Maybe,
just maybe,
this time,
I am not talking about a cat

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Good write so you are feeling lonely lol
Your ghost has left was it a good ghost
or was it a naughty one like a child'ren??
I will send a replacement as soon as.
Don't want you to feel lonely, Sadie will bring her,
You will hear Sadie as she arrives with a loud sigh of "Oh Dear!!! "
Take care young Jess and know we love you,
Yours Ian.T and friends..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I'm not sure of the nature of this particular ghost.

When they say "embrace your demons", well, that's not hard, mine are all pretty cuddly.... with spikes.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

As with the witch of the everglades,
I had forgotten about the Cats that you love so much.
They are a bit aloof though, though they purr they never seem to be as the dogs. We lost one of the two we had in 2012 now her daughter is 13 they only live so long and I dread the day when this one will leave us here.
Take care young Elf, can you not go to see them this year??
Yours thinking of you, Ian.T and Friends

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

which is fair enough according to my nature, but I find dogs to be smelly, slathering sycophants.
Cats know what they want, take it, look to their own comforts and tolerate humans as somewhat useful beings with comforts. Much as I do.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

how did I knock your fanny?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I am going to try to be rough with you. Let's see how it goes!

First thing I want to pick on is "like an amorous snake doing a pretzel". I'm not sure if I'm confused by this line or just don't like it. Is the snake doing a pretzel because it's amorous and pretzels look like hearts, or just because a pretzel is a good way to imagine the way a snake wraps around when it's comfortable (versus wrapping itself to constrict)? If this is the case, I feel like you're telling instead of showing by saying both "amorous" and "doing a pretzel". Do you have to tell us the snake is amorous, or could we figure this out on our own by imaging a pet snake curled around you?

Or is pretzel just the word you chose to represent the way a snake winds around things in general? When I think of pretzels that does not emote "amorous" for me, or a snake at all. Pretzels are made in such a way that there are big spaces in them. That's not a tight cuddle like a snake or loving person would give. Does that make sense?

I'm also conflicted about the last line. On one hand I feel as if the "cat" image could detract from the poem. It forces a reader to realize all the things you've mentioned in the poem could apply to a cat. But I imagined it as a ghost, as the title suggested. Something about the rethinking just felt wrong to me. Perhaps it undermines the idea of the ghost to mention the cat. If readers want to imagine a cat, or a muse, or whatever else, they can, but why make them?

On the other hand, I think the cat and the snake image are endearing and show the reader that this is a welcomed ghost.

In the second stanza, I feel like you've made a leap between the first two lines and the last line. The first two aren't terribly serious, then the third is. This does make perfect sense when talking about cats, but the cat idea hasn't been revealed yet. Is there something else this ghost does that could be inserted as a new line three that might better transition readers to the harsher things the ghost does (that could also be applied to cats)? Do its howls wake you in the night or its unexpected swipes keep you jumping?

I would reverse the order of "go mysteriously" on the second stanza. The "go" interrupts the flow for me.

On the third stanza, you mean "my bed" instead of "by bed".

Last, I would delete the first "maybe" on the last stanza. I think "maybe, just maybe" is overused.

As for the poem's strengths: I think it's a good thing that readers can imagine the creature/being as many different things. I think the free verse form is a strength as well. Rhymes would further undermine the poem by sounding too silly. Meter and strict form would be too serious. I think the title is simple, but effective in getting a reader's attention. I think the poem's length and words are efficient except for the one instance of "maybe".

Witch

Critique, don't comment.
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www.lettereddandy.xyz

you have tracked me me through the swamps in your house on legs. And nailed me.

Pretzel was a bad metaphor because they are a fixed form and salty, although the ones I am used to are 8 shaped, not heart shaped. A cultural difference. The form fitted my thoughts but not yours. My failure.

Somehow to me the whole poem sounded like just a cat, despite the title, a cheap mis-leader if you like. I never imagined anyone thinking it anything but a cat until the last line. A sort of punch line.

It was never meant to be be very serious when I wrote it, but you have made me realise just how important it is to me.

Being new to Neopoet you would not know that I spend two or three weeks a year minding a friends catterry, because I can't own one (or have one own me) where I live. So I get 20-30 cat hugs a day 2-3 weeks a year.

The poem was also, of course, about loneliness.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

That sounds lovely.

I didn't imagine a cat at all until you wrote it. I don't know why. It is not the poem's fault; on my second read, it seemed clear. The title doesn't seem cheap either; cats have a perfect tendency to stalk around just out of sight like a ghost might! Something about it just struck me as off.

Baba Yaga has been a favorite witch of mine for many years, but I think Strega Nona was my first witch idol when I picked up her book around age six.

Critique, don't comment.
Community guidelines: https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

To see our learning resources, click the "Curated Resources" link under the Resources tab in the top menu bar.

www.lettereddandy.xyz

swamp-witch?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I think that works great!

Critique, don't comment.
Community guidelines: https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

To see our learning resources, click the "Curated Resources" link under the Resources tab in the top menu bar.

www.lettereddandy.xyz

I am quite sure, no ghost will ever leave you ,as it's your minds shadow only .One will go and send a replacement. I don't comment on masters, they fuck me as it is , a ghost perpetual FOR you ,U know i am
Have a ghostly new year ,with many more , but don't fear ,as long as i am here ,you can continue to curse,, me ,okay, the ghost

loved

that I have a love hate relationship with you highly sexed ghost.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

love nay
tc

loved

you would fucking well know it.
I would have reviled you at every turn or worse, simply ignored you.
Do not deny my compassion and even, at times, respect.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

The fact that
the poetic acumen
I have or had,
has been milked
by none less than Jess....
I must confess

else I would have
gone away
In the midst of snowy forests to stay
and
from such lovely poets keep away

But the very fact
you read me
kick me
and
love me

''I love it too ''

But when you abuse
then alone I accuse
don't take me amiss
Loved is loved
only because of Neopoets
like you…

loved

Jess is right in his answer,
He knows your potential, and gets as cross as ten snakes when you fall below his expectations, your sense of humour fails sometimes, but all in all, he has been a good guide, to both you and me over the years we have been here, lol.
Have a lovely new year and watch out the Great Elf is about, Ha Ha,
Yours as always Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I reckon we all have that shadow of ourselves which we only glimpse occasionally. This ain't bad for a free verse lol. I read it 3-4 times and finally came up with an alternative to offer. In stanza 1, line 3 try changing infinite to permanent. Give a slightly different take and also a taste of alliteration...........stan

but I'm not sure either infinite or permanent is right, I'd like to find a more active word. Slithery? Pulsating?
I used infinite for the sideways 8 symbol, which is very visually accurate, but perhaps a bit obscure.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

If you're going for visual you could just say an amorous double helix. (I think helix would be more accurate but almost everybody knows what a double helix looks like but maybe not a single helix). Or you could be obvious and say coiled python.....heck there's all kinds of alternatives but only you know exactly what you're shooting for...... writhing?..........stan

I love this poem Jess. ( I saw the original and love the improvement you have made ).

You have described the characteristics of cats so very well. I like the humour and the twist at the end.

One typo ( I think - unless it's me ) "By" bed is my own!

Love Mand xxxx

thanks Mand

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment
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