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My first poem..

My first poem was written 1990. It was as I looked out my living room window at a polluted, rat infested stream. Above the stream Swallows in their remarkably erratic flight were catching insects. I found that to be ironic and rather stunning so I wrote about it in what I believed to be poetry. I never stopped writing after that. The poem was published in a local newspaper and I felt very lucky. It is a sort of seasonal poem.

Season's Will

Moments of joy she thought had left
Seemingly desire died in theft
With time at rest her will to try
In season's cold a lifetime wanders by

With spring so sure as swallows fly
With time in motion a lively sky
From a kindle deep inside heart's churn
Moments of joy again return

With rain to wash as rivers fill
With trees to flower as blossoms thrill
Birds in chorus are seen at sill
All in all as season's will

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Thank you and BTW you cannot press enter to move the cursor from subject to Comment lol
Later, my friend in writing,

~Mark~

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author comment

I composed my Firstest Poem
THE TRUANT- 1954

My Principal warned me
and
kept the only pencil copy

That very day I knew I will be a poet one day
Today around the world 1100 read me daily
O What a CHARLIE
but when you and Eumol read me
I feel happy

The year before I was born.
Thanks for your kindness.
Later,

~Mark~

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author comment

i love this mark. i can put myself there and see what you saw. i can feel her. wonderful rhythm, too.

I'm please you like it as well.
Later,

~Mark~

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author comment

Your first poem seemed to be a breath of fresh air and a perfect escape from what inspired it, "I looked out my living room window at a polluted, rat infested stream. Above the stream Swallows in their remarkably erratic flight were catching insects...to be ironic and rather stunning". That introduction was like a punch in the gut and felt like it should be included. Great poem, and congratulations on your publication.

Respectfully,

~ Marthalyn

I wondered where you had gone.
Thanks and yea with more experience and people like you Martha, it could have been better but it's a bad idea for me now to go and work on it though you make it sound very good.
Thank you,

~Mark~

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author comment

I was waiting to read about the rats, but they had gone.
Martha will be right in this poems edit, but as it was written as a first!
Then it has to stay as is, now an edited version can be written under this one
and please bring back the rats..
Yours as always, Ian ..

I still hear the trumpets of Loved ringing in my ears but as he beat me in writing by 3 years I have to bow to his ageist remark lol. Love You all ..

Words can build a nation

At that time bittersweet was a word not yet in my vocabulary :~)
There were huge carp in there too. After years of working there we finally paid for the walls to be poisoned and within a month no more rats.
Thanks,

~Mark~

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author comment

I still have my original poem in an exercise book from when I was 15
but it has evolved a little since my write.
I would love to see if you have edited this work,
Yours Ian ..

Words can build a nation

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