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My Child

Submitted by Mr joghe on Sun, 2022-10-09 21:18

Oh! My child, don’t hate him
Though you may never see him
But something tells me you may yet see him.
Wait a minute,
He was handsome
If he’s still handsome;
I was young and cute when he married me
He was the foreman in a forge company
We lived together happily
Till I suddenly became blind;
He ran away when I didn’t move
I’ve not heard from him ever since
I’m sure, he’ll come back again.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
A Poem To Your Childhood Self
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Jackweb

Sun, 2022-10-09 23:19

Jackweb's picture

He should be ashamed of himself! Marriage is a life time of a thing. We're not meant to change our minds just because things suddenly changed to bad side. He's love is not a genuine type. Just dare me! A true loving man stays with his wife no matter how bad the health issue could be.
.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

Mr joghe

Tue, 2022-10-11 16:40

Mr joghe's picture

I like your comment.
Marriage is for better and for worse but many marriages had become like this...

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

author comment

Rosewood Apothecary

Mon, 2022-10-10 06:42

Rosewood Apothecary's picture
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I find my younger self in my writing and art and music everyday. His optimism is needed. His naivety shed. You will find that youthful spirit. I’m sure of it.

Excellent poem,
Tim

Mr joghe

Tue, 2022-10-11 16:40

Mr joghe's picture

I like your comment.

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

author comment

Lavender

Tue, 2022-10-11 20:00

Lavender's picture
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Hello!
If this is a poem from your adult self to your childhood self, to me the opening line is the most important line in the poem. To be encouraged not to hate, to move on and work past the hate is priceless advice. And to have cautious hope and optimism is very brave. Strong poem.
Thank you,
Lavender

Mr joghe

Wed, 2022-10-12 16:48

Mr joghe's picture

Thanks for your advice... I like your comment.

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

author comment
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