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My Birds of The Weather...

Blue sky, a minute ago
Fleecy-white clouds
Gentle breezes lifting the hawk
Gliding silently out of sight

Sparrows flicking across a grey vista
Brown little bodies, adjusting constantly
Wagging stubby tails and blurred wings
Making secure nests against the Autumn chill

Birds on the wires, huddled close
Flakes of snow tucking heads under wings
Starlings like darts in the crosswinds
Speeding bullets to warm barns and spilled grain

Grey ghosts of the night
Chilled and set owls
Plunge into waves of white
Silent death for life

Zephyr breeze stirs the heart
Liquid warmth melts my soul
Flowered yards sensational
Color wakes my eyes

Yellow sunshine tracked by daises
Green shoots slither
Grasping clefts in stone
Ivy tendrils cover the winter scars

Fire on the street... shoe time
Pant less youngsters in the pond
Swing from the vines
Lying on your back

Staring at the clouds

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

You do your descriptions and imagery so well!

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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I once described my work as imagery to my English professor, [which she pooh-poohed], but gave me a 95 for. Whatever... A traditionalist for sure! Thanks for the read and comment, ~ Geez.
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It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

stopping by and commenting! ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

Wow Geez, you really took me for a ride :-) I could feel the grass as I laid on my back looking at the clouds and birds in the sky.

Green shoots slither
Grasping clefts in stone

Weeds with fabulous PR

While writing this piece, I was looking out my window at my neighbor's house and remembering the ivy climbing up the side of his stone steps this Spring. It is now November, and the leaves and shoots are turning brown, revealing the hooks of the ivy that find the littlest cracks and chips. I am so glad that I could give you that moment of pleasure; lying on your back and feeling the grass. Thank you for stopping by to tell me how you felt. [I also tried to tie the feeling of lying on your back and looking at the sky with the first part, which was about the birds that you might see in each season. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment
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