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My Ascension

Tonight
I leave the world behind
to search for the light
that holds the thread that binds

The hopes I used to hold
no longer glow,
obscured by all the ashes
of dreams I used to grow

I watch them burn
through the window of my grief
and then I plead
for a chance for relief

All of my strength has long been depleted
Things that I once had are all long gone
I am falling apart, torn and shredded
like flesh stripped from the bone

but you hold me and make me whole.
the touch of your love saves my soul
In you I find the will to soar across the sky
and so I spread my wings and fly

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

a good poem which does indicate the turmoil and agony very vividly ...i liked the ending about hope in the journey beyond...

poem apart...stay strong...you will be fine soon friend...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thank you for the visit and the comment.

Alid

author comment

Ouch "like flesh stripped off the bone" this sounds soo painful. Physically and mentally at rock bottom - yet there are those in your life that help you to spread your wings and fly out of the ashes. There are some truly lovely people here on Neo - you are also one of them.

Great poem :)

Love Mand xxxx

It is very painful but at the same time, it reveals who are the ones who can be trusted in the end. Better to have the good friends who stay by your side in your hour of need than to have pretentious, hypocritical relatives who are only there when THEY are in need. Some people are just too selfish. That's what I learn right now. Thanks for the visit and the comment.Take care.

Alid

author comment

from the very beginning, the title to the end, and not without hope. I would change nothing.
I appreciate the tribute.
Thank you.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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thanks for the visit and the comment. Glad that you liked it as much as I enjoy writing it.

Alid

author comment

will you forgive me giving a reading?
https://soundcloud.com/user536630132/my-ascension-by-alidzain
One very minor typo
the touch of your love save my soul
the touch of your love saves my soul

My question is who is the "you" referred to? A beloved or a god?
Either way a powerful and lovely poem.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

the "you" in this poem refers to the people who stand by me and help me find the strength in my hour of need. Thank you for the visit, the correction and the comments. I appreciate them very much.

Alid

author comment

There is a great difference between acquaintances and friends. One comes by the dozens but the other, one is lucky to have a handful. A lot of people don't like to see key words repeated too closely in a poem so you might consider changing one of the "hopes" her to aspirations or another synonym....stan

but I used only one "hopes" throughout the poem and that is in stanza 2.

Alid

author comment

I got in a hurry and had a mind fart lol. The repeated word is dreams. I must be getting senile

Done it.

Alid

author comment
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