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Music as a master

Submitted by Leslie on Thu, 2023-03-23 23:31

Music my friends
will take you anywhere,
anywhere you long to be
a beautiful distraction
from what's on your mind
of what has been
and what may come to be
it brings joy and pain
or a peaceful refrain
with only a click or two
and with the right set up
will blow your head off
and I mean that figuratively
so when you're down
reach for that sound
you have surely got
nothing to lose,

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This is what I'm all about! Just picture the guy in the old Maxell commercials! Then sit down and listen to your favorite tunes.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

neopoet

Thu, 2023-03-23 23:31

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This poem is a well-crafted ode to the power of music as a master of emotions. The title, "Music as a Master," perfectly captures the idea of music as a tool to transport us to different worlds and evoke different feelings. The language use is dynamic, with the use of vivid metaphors to bring the power of music to life. The rhythm and pacing of the poem is steady and effective, creating a sense of anticipation as the poem progresses. The theme of music as a tool for both joy and pain is a strong one, and it is developed with both clarity and depth. The beginning of the poem does a great job of introducing the theme, and the ending provides a satisfying conclusion. The internal logic of the poem is consistent, with each stanza building on the previous one to create a cohesive whole.

One suggested line edit for this poem is to replace the line "it brings joy and pain/or a peaceful refrain" with "it brings joy, peace, or pain". This change more accurately reflects the range of emotions that music can evoke.

RoseBlack

Fri, 2023-03-24 10:14

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Has been my sanity for as long as I can remember. A wonderful, descriptive poem with examples of how music can mean so many different things to each of us. Well done

~RoseBlack~

Leslie

Fri, 2023-03-24 14:57

Leslie's picture

has guided my thoughts and my emotions also. It is usually calming but when I'm down it used to
bring tears, which were a welcomed relief! Thanks again for following my work. You can call me John if
you'd like to.

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

author comment

swamp-witch

Sun, 2023-03-26 12:44

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I can picture this poem as spoken word poetry. The way you say "my friends" and other conversational elements like "and I mean that figuratively" makes it feel like you're speaking directly to readers.

Some thoughts to consider:

You encourage the reader to reach for music when they're down and say there's nothing to lose. However, the poem feels generic. Who needs to be told to turn to music? Do you personally need that reminder or know anyone who does?

I think something is missing from this poem. Some kind of personal touch. It almost feels like a greeting card or an advertisement for music more than a poem.

I think your purpose in writing was to move the reader and make them understand the power of music, but I'm not feeling that yet. Dig deep and explore these feelings of joy and pain you describe.
So far all you have done is made a short list of those feelings.

Think of your poem as a painting made of words. How would you paint a visual representation of music?

These are just my thoughts and reactions to the poem. Food for thought for you. Feel free to use it or ignore it!

Kelsey

Critique, don't comment.

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Leslie

Sun, 2023-03-26 16:09

Leslie's picture

I will attempt to do just that. I can see exactly what you are saying. Thanks for your critique!

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

author comment
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