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Murder Beneath the Full Moon

Come out, full Moon! Why do you hide
behind this evening’s vapor cloud,
much like an actor who would bide
his time before he views the crowd?

I know your curiosity.
There’s nothing that escapes your eyes;
they stare—forever rest on me.
Now watch the imminent demise

of gruesome garden slugs that hide
by daylight, gather in the dark
to probe and feed and creep and glide
to leave their slimy, streaking mark

on my small patch of dewy grass.
Oh, how I lust for murder foul
of those vile things that dare trespass.
Hear me, ye demons on the prowl:

“For creepy slugs and garden snail,
Beer as a bait is bound to fail,
And pesticide is of no use,
But here I have some fool-proof news:
Seed common salt on slugs by night,
Then, crows the cock, all will be right.”

But come, friend Moon, please do not tear
yourself away from this fine view;
you are my witness; you don’t fear
the sight of slimy slugs I slew?

Those bubbling, bursting globs remain
as stuff that only ants would eat.
These slugs will not return again;
it’s salt, not beer that they can’t beat.

Oh Moon—you retching, paling fellow;
you look quite sick, or so it seems.
I see you gag—and turn less yellow—
so, let me wish you pleasant dreams.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
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Comments

Hi, Jerry,
Very funny, and very informative! I've heard the salt remedy before, but never the suggestion to use beer. I know someone who recently laid sod and the raccoons roll it back at night to get to the slugs. I'll pass along this trick to try to reduce the slug problem and then maybe those crafty raccoons will give it a rest. Aw, the things the moon witnesses! Very enjoyable read!
Thank you!
L

I guess I misspoke; I'd meant to say, "salt for the slugs, and beer for me, the killer." Naw, let the record stand. But really, it's a horrible thing what salt will do to those slimy slugs! Oh, yakipooh! I can feel one of those globs sliding down my throat . . . . I better wash it down with a beer-- Care to join me? Thanks for the lavish comment, Lavender. Much appreciated.
Jerry

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that would go out and put a ring of salt around the slugs and snails, put out a pan of water and then turn on an oil-lamp next to them. The snails and slugs wouldn't cross the salt. The raccoons would then come and dine by lantern light; washing them in in the water. I like the beer idea for thekiller. Nothing to crit. A good tip to manage your garden.~ Geez.
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no, beer doesn't work--although I did find one slug floating dead or dead-drunk in a shallow pan filled with Irish beer. Such a waste of a fine brewsky! The thing is, I thought I heard a drunken chorus of slugs singing, throughout the whole night, "Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall . . . ." But that might have been me. However, the salt remedy works, even though it tends to kill off your grass as well. Can't win!! Thank you for reading, Sir.
Jerry

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