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MOVING TARGET --FINAL RE-WRITE

Submitted by Geremia on Wed, 2012-09-19 12:14

MOVING TARGET

My mind races
at the speed of light
my body can’t keep up.
I’m left behind.

I push the day
in a heavy mist of grey
of Pain’s slow.

I do and I go
I run
but the terror
like sudden electricity
electric white
kills as it strikes..

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geremia

Wed, 2012-09-19 20:48

Thanks, my friend. It is

Thanks, my friend. It is about all of us

joe

P.S. I need to make some changes in the poem. It's all about change and making it betterm isn't it?

joe

author comment

Geezer

Thu, 2012-09-20 03:00

I don't...

know how you could make this better! i especially like the line
" but the terror
like electric white
kills as it strikes."

It seems to me, that being scared is the worst feeling of all.
It overshadows all the other emotions we have.
Many have accomplished much in terror
and terror has destroyed many.
Nice job, ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Geremia

Thu, 2012-09-20 03:42

Thanks, Gee ; yes, and man

Thanks, Gee ; yes, and man iis the only secies in which emotions linger and aree recalled.

author comment

loved

Thu, 2012-09-20 12:53

light is the fastest ....186000 miles per second....

it needs no competitor
it just flashes
so I thought you may edit
a bit!

loved

Geremia

Thu, 2012-09-20 13:05

tHANKS Se mynew post o BLOG :

author comment

Ian.T

Wed, 2012-09-26 07:57

Thought is much faster than light though it doesn't have the same Mass as light does, it is much faster, I have heard that water in a tube if touched at one end it is instantly reacted at the other end, much like thought.
The main thing about thought, it is thought that it doesn't have mass if they prove that, then truly there will be no after life, lol, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Nordic cloud

Wed, 2012-09-26 04:08