Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Mourning News

I hear the whisper

of slippers

 

light streams

down the hallway

the morning ritual

has begun

 

a toilet flushing

water runs

hairdryer hums

a day begins

 

snuggling deeper

finding a pocket

of warmth

I close my eyes

 

the scent of bacon

challenges sleep

the morning news

reaches out to me

 

another death

another stabbing

and the list goes on

and on

 

broken dreams

now lay with me

fraught with pain

and hunger

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

There is plenty of room to carry on with this one
but I would rather you just open the window
and listen to the things that are there.
Big Red will be putting his head on one side
and not worrying about things he cannot change,
then there is that Kook he will still laugh
even if he is hungry or ill,
and as for those irritating noisy beetles and things
they wont worry much either as they live in the now.
I think I better challenge you to write a poem of beauty,
that carries love and feelings to the reader,
I shall do the same and put on stream by this months end,
I shall write of Australia so that it will be balanced???
Take care young Lady and I look forward to reading your poem of beauty,
Yours as always, Ian.T
PS:- I am an authority on Australia as I spent two weeks there lol

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I promise by the end of this month you shall have your poem, enchanted by beauty and enthralled in love ;)

night night

love always JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

love the first line, although whisper is done to death in poems it really works with slippers, since they have such similar sonics.
Don't know why you have made it so long and narrow, but i've mentioned this before and you obviously like this written on a streamer style,
I'd cut the last two Ss, better domestic details than telling us the news is always depressing, we know the news is always depressing, we don't know about you.

This is a realistic and down to earth poem about everyday life. That style "for me" is very appealing". I like the short sharp stanzas - it adds to the effect. You are a talented poetess - I found myself readily drawn into the world you portrayed. I also liked the contrast between the first five stanza and the last two and how listening to the new can totally effect the day.

Thanks for sharing JC

I very much enjoyed the read.

LOve Mand xxxxx

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.