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Mothers Departure A CHALENGE CONTEST MAY #15

This poem-- MOMS SMILES depicts her departure

...to the new home
no where
on an airy road
to no where

yet it speaks of the whole truth
inch by inch
as she crept into the wilderness
created for all

no lack of space
all are
and will be welcome
one day

this happened five decades away
can any one relay

MY MOM'S SMILES

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

put a space between (This poem MOMS SMILES depicts her departure) this and the second line. this is a lovely poem for your Mother. it flows nicely. it shows that you loved her.

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Further that I did with this piece. Your highlighted moments within the poem are dramatic, tho.

I would alter the title a bit: “This poem MOMS SMILES depicts her departure“ to only “Her Departure”

‘Course, if you were making this a contest entry, then the title is to include the subject of the contest…. And if you were making this a contest entry, you should also use the drop down menu on the Submit page to delineate it.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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MY MOM'S SMILES
YOUR views would drastically change
INCLUDED
Thanks

author comment

Ray gives you good advice. I can see your Mom smiling, she had many smiles for you and your love. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

my well wishers
will amend
its no competition
just my remembrance
it so happens
MOTHERS DAY
TODAY
hurray for mom
all moms
WE PRAY

author comment

Kindly Mark

author comment
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