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THE MOTHER AFRICA

Behold this great woman
the jewel, the joy and the hope of entire
motherland
Born with endless beauty of all time
Immense with multiple of untapped resources
You lead in the entire black soil called " AFRICA"!
But never know your brothers envy you alot
Even your distance friends
likewise your foes
Who disgust your out spoken strength and dominance at large
They've set a goal against you - waiting for this circumstance
But you continue to surface, foster other people with your resources
And using your gallant strength to subdue the 'rebels' at halt
But do them give you kudos or respect you deserve?
Out of unpatriotic and nepotism- your own have join league against you
Because of your ordeal you're going through now
All your enemies had labelled you a weak woman
Who can not gird her loins and protect his own
They continue to ridicule you far and beyond without apology
Proudly say, it's their right
And absolutely say you're a weak woman

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I love the fierce pride, that you speak of your land.
You not only write of the beauty of her landscape
but the inner struggles and the worries you have for her.
There are many in this world that see only the great wealth
and the gains they can gather from her.

You do have a few things that you can correct and make the work seem smoother.

1][distant, not distance]
2] [to a halt]
3] But do [they] give you kudos
4] [joined in league against you]
5] [and protect [her] own

I tried not to change much of the language, so as not to change the language you use,
as it is much a part of the charm as anything. ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Thanks alot for your view point.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

says it perfectly."Fierce Pride" sums the essence perfectly. As usual, I must mirror his thoughts completely. The cultural accent is definitely part of the charm. Cultural diversity in the arts should be recognized and appreciated.

Thomas

.
.

...so like my lost dreams...the flood

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