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A Morph Poem (new form)

I stand upon the cliff Confusion
and ponder whether I should leap.
Does Clarity have any purpose
or am I lying to myself again?

The Manic in me rears its ugly head
and I produce in fits and clumsy starts,
but soon depression will be all I know
and I will seek Confusion in the drink.

The Mindless is a blessing wrought
with fear. It offers naught
and yet I seek the gift
full knowing it won’t lift
me from that Cliff.
I ponder if
there’s naught to keep,
but no… I leap.
Shattered.
Mattered.
Lost.
Cost.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I do not like this poem. This morph stuff is harder than it looks.
Editing stage: 

Comments

but I think you have done a good work , at least my point of view. The gradual morph is very effective, and I like it because the free form rhymes.
The gradual descendance serves well as the author's wonders if leaping from a cliff of "Confusion" down to "Clarity" would help.

Wow! I thought this is really good, isn't it?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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I guess it's natural for me to think it should be fairly easy. After all I'm the one who thought it up and been practicing over time with it. lol. I assume you meant for this to start as semi-structured free verse and then change to unstructured rhyme with form enhancement. This is an example of how versatile morphing poetry can be as well as how effective. And the ultimate judge of all poetry is the readers so it might surprise you how well this was done............stan

I echo the comments of Rula and Stan. After what Stan has mentioned, I need not say more but rather shut up..lol..great job even though it has not lived up to the high levels you set for your posts.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

I agree with you and didn't like its presentation due to the form changes.
The theme is a good one, and if we read it from the theme point and not the form then it is a good piece.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

So, this is blank verse to start moving into unmetered rhyme? I think the blank verse part works well. Maybe it would work better if you turned this into a sonnet with a free-form volta. For me, the issue at the end is not the form, it is the heaviness of the rhyme. It sounds a little sing-songy, esp.:

and yet I seek the gift
full knowing it won’t lift
me from that Cliff.

I think less rhyme would be effective. I agree this is hard.

we all need to remember is that at this point we're not trying to write great poetry, just getting the form down pat. We'll all get our chance to do better when the editing stage of this shop comes around..........stan

and not necessarily avoided. A little mad sounding. Sitting in the asylum losing the length of line until all we're left with is sing song.
But as I said above, I don't much care for how this poem panned out. It is clumsy at best.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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author comment

make sure you Do care in the edit lol........stan

Still don't like it though. I'm having trouble finding the time and energy to write, but I guess we all go through that.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

will likely be at soonest this weekend before the edits will be posted so you have time. Remember that the only thing which Has to stay the same is the message so if you choose to use other forms that's OK........stan

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