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A Morph Poem (edited)

I stand upon the cliff Confusion
and ponder whether I should leap.
Does Clarity have any purpose
or am I lying to myself again?

The Manic in me rears its head
and I produce in fits and starts,
but soon depression will be all
and I will seek Confusion in the drink.

The Mindless is a blessing wrought
with fear. It offers naught
and yet I seek the gift
full knowing it won’t lift
me from that Cliff.
I ponder if
there’s naught to keep,
but no… I leap.
Shattered.
Mattered.
Lost.
Cost.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Very little different here. I repaired some metric structures, but I still don't like the poem.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Like it.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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this is a good one.

Alid

although I did read your note. For me, what doesn't sit right is the last four lines; they feel like an awkward extra toe. Without them, I think it flows well and that the free verse does have the feel of racing thoughts. What is it you're unhappy with?

I don't like the morph to shorter lines though that is what I intended... to go from essentially iambic pentameter to a one syllable line. Keats wrote an entire poem with single words. I don't know how he did it. The only changes I made was to shorten the first few lines to clean up and make more traditional the meter. Thus to make a larger difference against the ending.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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author comment

The morph is subtle at first then you you rhymed in the 4th stanza. I like it

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

you dropped down to your last word. Wes, I have experimented with forms such as Haiku, Tanka etc but this is new to me. In fact, this morphing thing has me a little perplexed.

I enjoyed the write

Cheers

Leonard Daranjo

"When the waiting stops, the living begins"

Indeed. It is deceptively difficult. Thanks for stopping by.
Before I forget... Rula and I have begun a new workshop concerning dramatic verse. I would love to have your input in the shop and you might find it new and curious. I invite you to check out the syllabus (under Storytelling in Verse: Dramatic Verse).

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

I am wearing thin now I have been here an hour so I didn't read any of the above comments

this is a brilliant poem in my humble opinion, one of your best

nothing much to offer really there are a couple of lines that could be improved but I will think on them
tonight I will get back to you tomorrow night

I have a new system I write down the poems I need to come back to, lol I used to forget all the time

big smile

love Jayne xxxx

p.s I wouldn't touch the last stanza its meaning and end are beautifully done

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

long time no see. I've been wondering how you've been doing.

love Alid

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