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Morning Glow (senryu)

Submitted by Ian.T on Fri, 2014-06-20 04:00

Blinding visions spring
Shattering dew drops spread light
Damp dust on grasses

"Haiku"

The blue bells did ring
The white bells swayed aloof
My lavender soon

"Senyru"

Many bad pains felt
A bonding that makes you cry
Tiny hands reach out

"Senyru"

Love on empty ears
Failed feelings gone, are wasted
No more can I give

"Senyru"

Fat feeder eats much
Cholesterol clogs old veins
Sharp pain felt in chest

"Senyru"

Water fell in space
Rainbow above holding all
Rapture of the mist

All the Senyru's are in the form of Haiku

"Tanka "

Secret of movements
Flowing silent underground
Released to the sun
Touching all, it nurtures
Let us rejoice life runs free......

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Just playing after reading a comment where the poem was deemed to be dullish, lol
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Seren

Fri, 2014-06-20 10:53

Seren's picture

I loved it, I thought it was very beautiful, I cant find anything wrong with it but then I am not an expert on this form

lovely work hun

with love always Jayne xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Ian.T

Fri, 2014-06-20 18:17

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

Thank you for your read and comment, did I send you this one??
Serendipity
The chance meeting that rings true
Happy words please you

I also look forward to your recovery from the operation.
I have been worrying about Anne the last couple of days as we had to send our little Molly to play with Sadie, and Anne has had a bad time over it.
Molly is still here but needs nothing, just to let us both know she is safe.
Will talk later, you rest and let the children tend to your needs,
always know that it is your needs not the wants they look after, Take care and thinking of you as always, Yours Ian x

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

alidzain

Fri, 2014-06-20 17:59

alidzain's picture

With this piece, you are my interest to write japanese-styled poem again....I'll see what I can do....

Alid

Ian.T

Fri, 2014-06-20 18:36

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

Thank you for your visit I shall add to this piece as I feel to, so keep an eye open for the new ones and maybe you can add or ask Barbara to start another write..
I think that these short pieces say a great deal, 17 syllables and a clear message is the thing to do.
I find that using a good syllable counter saves a lot of mind bending, I find that this one here:-
http://www.poetrysoup.com/haiku_syllable_counter/
Is one of the best and it makes life easier lol.
Go well young man and walk with your hand in the one that teaches you humility and grace,
Yours Ian.T

PS:- Another style to use and enjoy is Acrostic writes:-

Keeper of those that need
Helps those that are close
Always there when needed most
Learns of life through others
Indicates a knowledge of gentleness
Drives forward toward perfection..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

alidzain

Sat, 2014-06-21 13:17

alidzain's picture

that's a nice Acrostic. Yes I do remember posting one on racism. For now I'm a bit tied up so I won't post anything yet. Don't even have enough juice to make a poem. Its been trouble for the family of late that has been keeping me busy and pretty tired. Hope everything will be better soon...

Alid

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