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MORE THAN A SEAMSTRESS

How exciting would it be to see her at work.
Does she hurry while sewing or does she ignore the clock?
Would my taunts motivate or would she give up when I mock?
Well I think she'll do well for a girl that needs no luck.

She finds colour in the darkest places.
She finds beauty in the saddest of faces.
She kills worries and leave no traces.
I surmise she's been kissed by the rock of ages.

And if I told her 'I love you',
Tell me, what would she do?
Would she share my point of view?
Or would it leave her with no clue?

She's the kind of lady any man would want for a mistress
A sure bank of motivation during any distress.
Little wonder how she easily becomes ones interest.
Because she puts together more than clothes, she's more than a seamstress.

Style / type: 
Free verse
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Comments

A poem I wrote for a friend who sews.

Albert Alben Aguda

author comment

Welcome to Neopoet. Secondly, this is a nice little tribute to a seamstress. My grandmother was a seamstress and I remember spending quite a few Saturday mornings helping her pick up pins from the floor with a big magnet and putting stuff away for her. It's not quite a dead art, but slowly dying. great first poem for this site. ~ Geezer.
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I think you have written an interesting poem. When we say seamstress today its someone who uses needle and thread, not a sewing machine, (they are called "operators") I was in the garment industry for 45 years, I have seen a lot of seamstresses all over the world. What they have in common in an angelic aura around themselves as they work as well as a sensuality. So I appreciated the images, and the basic idea of the poem.

I think you need to consider the internal logic of the poem you are writing. Each of the 4 stanzas are disconnected. You need to find a common thread. The last stanza has some wonderful ideas of how to connect to this person as somewhat larger than life, a true angel.

The best stanza is

She finds colour in the darkest places.
She finds beauty in the saddest of faces.
She kills worries and leave no traces.
I surmise she's been kissed by the rock of ages.

The last line breaks the rhythm and flow, too many syllables. Rock of ages is a christian term, not sure what it intend to mean here. But finding color (not colour) in the darkest places is a wonderful line, and the the lines below it. They resemble song lyric as well, but the only such case of that in the poem.
The third stanza could be developed...surely if you just come up to anyone and say you love them it would be a bit disconcerting...Is it really love, or more a response to her angelic sensuality?

The word mistress today is very specific- an illicit relationship outside of marriage. It is not used today to express wife, partner, lover, fiancee, lady, mate, which it might have expressed in centuries past, as in Marvell's To His Coy Mistress (1681). I would consider a less archaic word.
The poem ends with some good ideas about making this person almost larger than life.

I hope these comments are helpful and you continue to develop your craft.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Hi there Albert,
A great poem for your friend. My favorite line is
Does she hurry while sewing or does she ignore the clock?
I hope you enjoy Neopoet. It's a great place to be.

Enjoyed the poem. My suggestion is as eumolpus. I truly enjoyed the rhyming

~
*Your present reality is a creation of your making good or bad..
*Poetry "Words weren't meant to impose but heal"
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Barbara

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