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More Drifting (Primal Poetry Part two)

More Drifting

I felt your presence, so I have returned
Sitting there on the beach mind in a churn
I heard the call from you for a place to go
Here I am so that I can another place show

Let us walk a while till senses subside.
Turmoil boils creating a noise inside
I will show you of the other place I know
Over there is a cave that invites us so.

Glittering sand reflects light at the entrance
There it plays in a gently waving dance
Pass by this show of crystal light reflection
Look the darkness this is where we are heading.

Now deep inside you are to use another way.
Draw on your inner Spirit to light and watch the display
Colours not seen before calms your Spirit
There random thoughts pass by your mind

Let’s go in further to leave all stress behind
Descend the steps that are there for you
Count them as you descend to places new.
Pause as the direction of thought prevails.

The wall you can now see with your release
Hues sparkling that seem to talk to you
each moment seems more precious as we walk by
It is a history of our problems held by you and I

Take more of the stairs as you journey on
Feel touches that are not solid as the ground
Your true Spirit lifts you off, there you can fly
Play there a while till reason returns.

The silence is broken now and then.
By one that has passed who was you friend
Parents and all that have gone before.
Gather around with gentleness you knew before.

Now you understand the places I go
You use smile as my eyes glazed over
Let us turn as now you know what to do
We will walk the beach as I taught you to.

At this light flowed around us from the shore.
We were back to the place we were before.
Farewell my friend there is more to life than you can see
I hope you will continue to walk with me

Ian T

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
This was written in a hurry this morning but the bones are there, I am short of time today so I just sent this on its way
Editing stage: 
Workshop: 

Comments

I like the content, would encourage you to carry on to the place this poem wants to go.

The rhyming seems a bit forced.

A train ride...

Lydia Elizabeth Percy

Don't forget to buy your ticket at the Station for the 65th anniversary of The Rock Island Line This week.

Thanks for your visit please can you visit more poets works as this is the way we improve not only the poets work, but Neopoet.
Thanks again, Yours Ian T

Words can build a nation

author comment

Ray
Many thanks for your visit, I hope you continue to comment on as many poets as possible it helps them.
I have been with Neopoet for over 10 years and we need poets like yourself to be more active.
This piece was written in around 20 minutes, we have someplace a meditation about going down into a cave.
It needs a lot of edit but I will take note of your comment..
Once again thanks for your visit, it is lonely with just two of us in a cave,
Yours Ian T

Words can build a nation

author comment

workshop. We were not even trying to write poems, merely record our Shamanic trance experience, but Ian being an experienced poet it naturally came out in verse.

If you're interested the workshop is still running and it's not too late to join. The description is at
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/primal-poetry
and some helpful hints on the thread follow from my comment
https://www.neopoet.com/comment/166794#comment-166794

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

If you go there by chance and let it take you then I have some catching up to do. I'm still stuck on the edge of color shapes and falling into sleep lol
But to cliche..practice makes perfect .. yes?
Now the last time I really took off was with rain. So, I may deviate from the drumming into rain falling slowly and dripping it's sort of similar to drums but softer.
Carry on my friend in writing and for the sake of your best quality please take the time you need at the right time although for this being hurried it is awesome.
Later,

~Mark~

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I will thanks for the comments

Lydia Elizabeth Percy

Thank you for visiting us in the cave, it was written in a hurry as Jess asked me for another piece for the workshop.
Jess deals with the way of Shamanic being, and us here are spiritualists so we have a slightly different way of going into trance.
Trance is not a place to go without someone with you.
Meditation on the other hand is fine, as it is a way of being within yourself and at peace with your surroundings, it is a place to go for rest .
I hope you know the difference and go within yourself with comfort..
Thanks again for your visit,
Yours Ian

Words can build a nation

author comment

why is Lydia replying to comments on Ian's poem?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Being confused is an age thing, and I am quite well versed in that are. lol
I thought I saw something about you giving up smoking ?? was that due to bush fires ..
Lost one of my apprentices from the 80's last month, the second of my friends lost to Malaria,
He use to come a courting my Daughter and was a great guy.
Now my last Sister has fallen and broken her hip, also yesterday they say she has an ulcer..
Things are running down mate, I wonder if us old poets should leave instructions to let people know about these things.. I heard about Esker a year later. The one I haven't heard from is Joe have you any Idea what has happened to him ??
I best get on with the day I have blood tests to give this morning Keep fingers crossed, they were muttering something about Dia something 2 after my las test.. Will keep you up to date take care and great to walk with you .. Youyr Bru Ian..

Words can build a nation

author comment
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