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The Moon

The moon,
light cascading
in the black void of space.
Glows a bright halo of glory.
Its gypsum beauty dominates the sky.
When the winter nights are hoary
the stars bow to its grace,
the moon.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
A rictameter is a nine-line poem. Each line has a specific number of syllables. The first line has two syllables. The next line has four. The next line has six. The next line has eight. The next line has ten. And we work our way down again (8,6,4,2) The last line is the same as the first line. This is my first attempt.
Editing stage: 


How come everybody but me knows all these types poetry? lol. I like the unstructured rhyme and the vivid imagery. I have written meter which caused rictus in others but I've never written nor heard of rictameter. This poem doesn't seem to have been forced into any particular style and I reckon that's a good thing..............stan

Hope you and family are o.k! I've only just discovered this form of poetry - so I thought I'd give it a go. :)

Hopefully others will give it a try as well!

Thanks for coming by to read and comment I very much appreciate it.

Love Mand xxxx

author comment

I'm a little lost with this one 'cos some of the words are abit too complex for someone with limited knowledge on the language like me.Words like cascading, hoary and gypsum beauty....I REALLY need to buck up on finding new descriptive words and the right way to use them or I fear that I can't improve that much on my writing.
Thank you so much for writing this piece, dear.It really shows me another area I need to improve on.You just make my day.


It must be difficult - the English language is complicated to master - don't rush yourself or you'll want to give up - take it a bit at a time! I'm looking forward to reading your work! Unfortunately I can only spend a limited amount of time on line - but I'll try to visit you as soon as possible!

Don't forget - a bit at a time or you'll get frustrated. No rush

Love Mand xxxxx

author comment

what is rictus and rictameter?


Glad you enjoyed it! :) I'm very glad of your suggestion - I like frigid - or maybe "in the black void of space" what do you think?

I still haven't gotten round to putting a poem to voice! Life's busy - but I'll get there in the end.

I very much appreciate your input - and will probably change "cold dark" for frigid" - unless there are other forthcoming suggestions.

LOve Mand xxxx

author comment

You are very helpful - I am very grateful. :)

Nice of you to re-visit.

Take care

Love Mand xxxx

author comment
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