Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Monotera ...

It all started one lovely May.
The sun there wove a golden way,
the stars, the moon in no delay
begged us a hey, begged us a hey.

We thought we'd have our life-for long
to play tunes that never go wrong.
A stream of passion keeps along
with every song, with every song.

We were words, those printed to hold
a story written deep in gold.
Yet misty shadows blew to fold
a tale been told, a tale been told

Now you and I must break apart
I'm leaving you my dearest part
the one you held and called it heart
I shall depart, I shall depart.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Ron's idea and concept for the workshop. Not sure the suicide idea is there but at least the feeling of despair is there and the form, so I'd expect at least two out of three..:)
Editing stage: 

Comments

Near perfect in syllables as poss and I enjoyed this write it was exceptional from your pen.
Somehow there are 9 syllables in Stanza 2 line 2 :-
to play tunes that never go wrong.
The only way I can see to make it 8 is to put:-
Plays tunes that never go wrong.????
But am not sure of the way it reads, Tunes comes in as 2 syllables, and Never 2 more so that's 9.
I hope you can sort it as you would like it to read, I am being very picky this morning lol.
Take care young Lady, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thank you for your endless encouragment and the kind words.
I appreciate your visit, but of course 'tunes' is only one syllable. I think that syllable checker sometimes tells lies and the OED knows better. (((Smiles)))

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

I have burnt my syllable checker, he screamed a lot at first, then went very quiet, I have sent the rest of him to Digit's address LOL
Take care out there, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I can hear this being sung by children
while dancing down the lane of life, it is a song,
it's rhythm tells of that, and light heartedly we take part;
charming, Rula,

Love Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

I love what you did with Monotetra. It's such an exuberant expression of joy and light. It's good to see it used as such, I can't seem to reach those emotions. I'm glad you can for me.

Ron

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.