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In Moment's Spent Desire

I lie upon your cooling breasts,
desire's rhythm spent, yet still held
within your warmth, your heated breath;
your fingers smooth along my skin,
then you softly say: "I've never
felt this, before today."

Style / type: 
Free verse

Comments

Glad you liked it.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Yes, ma'am!
heehee that was funny.
This is my second passion poem in compliment form, as per Jonathon's devisement of the form, and I really do like the structure - short, simple, and pretty powerful.
Actually, I do have a freeform piece I'm working on right now that will almost certainly qualify for REAL criticism, heehee, but it's still not finished: a day or two more, I think, before I post it.
Thanks Chrys - for making me laugh, and for your kind opinion of my poems.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

it is never easy to capture a moment quite like this one and give it justice with words...that said, you did it my friend.

Sometimes less is more.

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

Thank you so much.
I have to say, it is usually quite hard for me, writing about such things, mainly because I take so long to say them, lol, then have to edit, cut, crunch and smash my way down to something that is readable.
But, with this compliment form of Jonathon's, I find it easier to encapulate the meaning right from the start. A little counter-intuitive, I know, but it works well for me.
It occurs to me, as well, that this form might be useful in the writing of lyrics, since the form forces one into a certain cadence, one that I think would lend itself well to songs.
But then, I'm just a poet, not a songwriter, lol.

Thanks again,

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Jim,

I haven't used the form mainly because I am not sure that it will be of any benefit to me, especially since I only ever use one word titles...I just always have and don't feel the need to change.

I may give it a go but to be honest it doesn't excite me at all. I hope it works for others who need a new form and I will be checking out people's attempts at it. Hopefully it will become a competition. I don't do competitions either!! Lol!...stuck in my old ways!!

Thanks anyway,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

I was thinking more of the meter in the body of the form, rather than the title. Since it's structure is so rigid, I thought that it might lend itself to the accompaniment of musical beat and rhythym, that's all.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

JIm,

I'll investigate it some...can't hurt to try now can it,

cheers mate,

HS

--------------
Workshops are now open:
http://new.neopoet.com/workshop/find
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

LOL I thought you'd enjoy this one, thanks for reading.
I do like this short compliment form quite a lot.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Jim,

There is something that surrounds this poem that is shining!

Nice. . .

Ciao,

Victor

"When a pickpocket meets a holy man all he sees are his pockets."

Unknown (at least to me)

Thanks Victor!

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

nothing to crit ere, except I was wanting more
the first two lines would be my fav as to how
they sound ,,,,,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

yes, that is my favorite part as well, because it's so visual.

Yah, it is short, but that's why I like it - it packs more of a punch, if you know what I mean.

Thanks for reading and enjoying.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Thanks, Ngaio, glad that you found it so enjoyable.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment
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