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A Moment of Clarity in Warfare Observation

With my jaded western eye I see
a woman and her family
next to a home bombed-out and done
after the rockets are all gone,

but I realize that as I look
I only see what rockets took,
and not the air-raids or the bombs
that smashed so many Gaza homes,

and the burqa I am looking at
is not symbolic of the fact
that she is oppressed by those
who started warfare with their blows;

it is instead a statement of
her faith that almighty God above
protects her and her family
from those who call her enemy,

that she believes when its all over
she and her children will recover
and her family will be free at last
from the yokes of Israel, and Hamas.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajy1xNB-LkI

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words: 
Trying to improve my rhyming. I am not interested in political opinion. Thanks.
Editing stage: 

Comments

I just lost the net as I was commenting and making a few suggestions, I've saved my comment will post when our net issue is resolved lol that could take a while lol thank god for mobile phones

I liked the out of the box look at what's happening over there

Hope your well and taking things easy

With love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

I look forward to your comment.
I am OK, not good enough to say "well", but still good.

With love, Jim

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

I think I have to agree with richard the stilted parts of the poem only give it more impact ... I had a few ideas last night but nothing that would greatly change the poem or in my opinion improve it

the sad part about your poem in every war, in every conflict, in every civil war there are mothers of different religions, colour, nationality that all share the one thing, the love of their respective gods and a hope that all violence will end and that god is watching over them, I read Richards comment it is rather profound he says it much better than I can

My net is back lets hope it doesnt fuck up again, opps LOL !!

with love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

I did make a couple of changes, and it does flow better, I think.

War is for the rich and powerful; they profit, they prosper and they benefit from it, while those they rule and oppress pay the price. Those with the money get to stay home, those without have to spill blood and spill their own and get shattered and die. And those caught in the middle simply have to wait for it to be over, hoping they survive.
The mddle east crap is no different. The Israelis fear, Hamas hates, the palestinian Authority counts its UN-provided wealth, and everyone who just wants to get the fuck on with a peaceful life has to suffer while those in power lick their lips, count their money, and make plans to ensure their fat-fuck children don't get within ten miles of the fucking war zone.

War is shit, and its time to wipe the world's ass.

<hugs>

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

For someone not interested in political opinions, you've
sure chosen a hot bed of debate, and with a view that so
many fail to see. The people there are in the middle of this
tragic confrontation and suffer daily for it.

thank you !!!

I will have to let this sink in and perhaps come back to
check out the pace but from first read ... it resonates with
me.

Thanks for reading.
I suppose I should not have said that I was uninterested, but lately I've found the Net (other places, not here) full of those who cannot see past their hate and fear, I think mainly because of our recent election, and thus my last word.
I look forward to your opinion of this, and its pace and rhythm; you know rhyming verse is not my forte.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

You are so right, this last election was taxing on everyone.
Filled with hate from both sides and it lingers still, dividing us
like other terrible times in this Country's past, but so many
can't see that either.

Your poem struck me hard, it's something I see too easily
but others seem so engaged in the rage they are blinded,
and it makes me sad for humanity.

There are places where the meter is broken, but this in
my opinion one of those times where content is the most
important factor.

So no suggestions Jim, just another thank you, thank you
for reminding me that I'm not alone, thank you.

I did make some minor changes to make the flow better, and I think that they work.

Stepping outside, beyond the limitations of culture and propaganda, is something I've always done; its surprising how similar we all really are, once cultural baggage, class distinctions and nationalistic ignorance are set aside.
Which makes war pretty stupid.

Thank you for your opinion of my poem, Richard. Always of value.

You are not alone.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

It's easy to forget that the common person only wants peace and it's the "leaders" who cause wars. In 1st stanza you might consider swapping places with done and gone. Don't know why, just looks as if it might read better.............stan

You are so right!

in both opinion, and critique. I changed around the words, and it does feel smoother.

Thanks man

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

I will not add to the suggestions, they about covered it all, but I will say. I thoroughly enjoyed the read.

Respectfully,
Rett
"If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed. " Ben Franklin

Now I KNOW I got it right.
Thank you, my friend.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

when people are terrorised and spend time with each other, they form relationships. Imagine how much severe it is if you are brought up with it? I have heard Muslim women supporting female circumcision.

Tell the truth, if you were 12 years old in 1939 would you have joined Hitler Youth?

Don't blame. Have compassion.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

I don't see where Stockholm Syndrome applies. She is a victim of war, not a hostage.
I do not understand the reference to female circumscision, either.
I have compassion for the woman and her children.The governments and terrorists that force her to live the way she does? No compassion for them whatsoever. Put em all against the wall, as far as I'm concerned.
If I were 12 in 1939, and my family were German - lol we ARE partly German, from 5 generations ago - I probably WOULD have joined Hitler Youth. Most middle-class kids in Nazi Germany did.
But the blame there is on the Nazis, not 12-year-old children.
Holding everyone blameless is like saying murderers aren't responsible for the murders they commit. It smacks of political correctness, to me.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Nothing wrong with the write, but the world looks on and just looks as to the UN ???
The world looks on and sees what the TV people want you to see, cut by the government of the time.
We have a great system at the moment of people that gather and do Nothing, and we pay for them to help the world it is time the UN was disbanded, it is useless, I wrote a piece about it a while back it went like:-

The UN

unable to stop any war
unable to stop cholera
unable to stop Mugabe
unable to stop Israel
unable to stop children dying
unable to educate
unable to help the poor
unable to stop Hamas

If only they would take a gap year

UN able to stop any war
UN able to stop cholera
UN able to stop Mugabe
UN able to stop Israel
UN able to stop children dying
UN able to educate
UN able to help the poor
UN able to stop Hamas

If Only.

Where do I send my UN medal to as it grates on my mind.

Since then nothing has changed it might just as well have been just yesterday. I gave my UN medal to my grandchildren in Australia, last year, maybe the round thing can be used for something and the ribbon well for decorating a card or something, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

for reading, Ian
There is much that is wrong with the U.N. However, the alternative to it is a nightmare I would prefer not to consider.
The U.N. is largely responsible for eradicating smallpox.
malaria is on the decrease, world wide. So is cholera.
From a military standpoint, I agree, the U.N. has no teeth. But that's because its members don't allow it to have any. Blame them, for that.
As a conservative estimate, 100 - 150 million people have been permanently lifted out of poverty as a direct result of U.N. programs.Also, millions of children have been fed, kept alive, and gotten an education as a direct result of U.N. programs and funding. Not nearly enough, but they're at least trying, which is more than I can say about the shite that passes for government in our own countries.

And if nothing else, it has stopped us from exterminating ourselves.
The U.N. doesn't stop Israel because its member countries don't let it. Saem holds true for regional wars. It only interferes when those member countries have vested interests in the regions involved.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

and critiquing, its very much appreciated.
I cannot use the word "in", since that would change the meaning of the line, and the next, so I used "that", not a word I like very much, but it works. I do understand why you suggested it however; the extra syllable is needed.
I much prefer to see the shape and form of a woman. I love them, they way they look, talk, smell, laugh! But if a woman decides for herself to cover up, who am I to say "no, you cannot do that"? Such an attitude leads to cultural bigotry, as, for example, the banning of head scarfs, as they have done in France, which limits the freedom not just of those who wish to wear a burqa or whatever else, it in fact limits and constrains us all.
Besides, even a woman covered head to foot can be sexy!
LOL
Now, watch the "sexist" labels start to fly in my direction!

Thanks again Beau.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment
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