Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

modernise your selves it's 2017

Submitted by lovedly on Tue, 2017-01-03 22:20

change is the essence of life
12 million years ago
we were tadpoles
and as sun warmed the earth
moon showed the night path

man multiplied at gradually increasing speed
then as you say glacial
I say we were like Alps and Everest static

coz guys loved it then
the glaciers gradually melted
two thousand years only
religion lay cemented

then came Pope the 13th
he administered wisdom in many
since then we have had electricity
and all its manifestations

now in our times
we were just sprinting 100 meters only
but now we fly at jet speed
and are into
S P A C E
mainly reaching the far and furthest abodes
of some God to be

don't worry you will be on board
to Mars in 1930
not slowly If they consult me
I can send them faster
but they will not listen

you may
some day
one day
they also
may

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

swamp-witch

Sun, 2017-03-19 16:51

swamp-witch's picture
Volunteer badge

I love these lines:

then as you say glacial

I say we were like Alps and Everest static

Usually we say someone who is like a mountain or like a rock is steady and dependable or maybe larger than life, but these lines to me alter that saying. They make it something more. It becomes maybe less positive because we are cold and stubbornly unchanging sometimes.

When that happens, when we refuse to change, we die, or at least our ways of life die out. We have to adapt to grow and learn and survive as people. Mutability is human nature and those who refuse it really do want to keep other people down, usually.

Question: when you write "Pope the 13th" do you mean Pope Leo the 13th (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_Leo_XIII)? It would help readers to know more about the historical figure you are talking about, so you might decide to be specific about what he did. In other words, what wisdom did he instill, to follow the words of your poem? Was he actually influential in helping make electricity more common back then?

Just a thought! Let me know what you think.

Kelsey

Critique, don't comment.

Community guidelines: https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

To see our learning resources, click the "Curated Resources" link under the Resources tab in the top menu bar.

lovedly

Sun, 2017-03-19 17:40

lovedly's picture

The Pope 13th
in 1582AD knocked off 11 days from the calendar
now we know as Gregorian
to time the movement of the sun with the Earth's Equator...

I am so happy
some one reads
as diligently as you do
young poet
a star of Neopoets
and
the world's tomorrow

author comment

swamp-witch

Sun, 2017-03-19 18:13

swamp-witch's picture
Volunteer badge

Because of poems like this one! I can learn something new everyday. I never knew about that pope or the calendar. Amazing!

Thanks,
Kelsey

Critique, don't comment.

Community guidelines: https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

To see our learning resources, click the "Curated Resources" link under the Resources tab in the top menu bar.

lovedly

Mon, 2017-03-20 13:14

lovedly's picture

We all are born to learn
live enjoy and pass away silently
thank you miss

author comment

Esker

Sun, 2017-03-19 17:49

Esker's picture

its all kalamity kaos these dayz
pillar to post my father said of me
no mountian
more a fog bank

illuminate ing work here Lovedly
modernize...hmm...chin implant
dental implants..face lift..
shave my schnoze
or mental...as in be more hip
well...broke...cash and mind
so im stuck with the Dumbledorf features
of the kreature

witty writing Lovedly
like that U just keep at the table
so theres something to ponder
instead of the static...

thanks

Mr Wolf!

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.