Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Mistake Maker

Before being born, mistake I was called,
came out silent like I knew something.
Could not permit myself to be so bold
as to ever cry or laugh or sing.

Growing up was rather strange
in the atmosphere of utter fear.
Very tight was my comfort range,
calmly awaiting the shouts to hear.

Never had the nerve to be proud,
hid in the shadows like a mouse.
Always felt like lost in the crowd,
never at ease in my own house.

In front of peers I seemed small and tiny,
anyone could fire at will.
While life of another was bright and shiny,
I was made to pay each bill.

Anything I did was seen as mistake,
nothing I said was ever right.
Straight to stone was turned my every cake,
so obvious was my life's plight.

I dreamt of being a doctor or an actor,
or even a skilled blacksmith or a baker,
but fate was a deciding downward factor.
I could only become a mistake maker.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

it is very nice to meet you. in these line: Even before born, mistake I was called,
( Before being born, I was called a mistake)

came out silent like I knew the thing. (coming out silent, like I new something.)

calmly waiting the shouts to hear. (awaiting)

Always felt like lost in the crowd, (Always felt lost in the crowd)

In front of peers (I) seemed small and tiny,

these are only suggestions which you can either apply or ignore.

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Your suggestions are much appreciated, as always. I will apply most of them, apart from what I personally still feel closer to my thoughts :-)
Please keep suggesting corrections <3

Thank you,
Jack

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.