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Missing Of A Cherub.

Turning round and looking up to the sky
I see the sky turn dark
The sun so scorching
That everyone murmurs
Something in a voice so high.
Like a black goat in a dark night
I see nothing but a reflection standing straight
Ahead of me gawking on something
Worths nothing.
For so long, my mind bubbles for what to say
As I enclosed my thoughts and
Just like a dream, it came true but did not to stay.

Long we do it
Play it
Discuss it
Dance it
And in lonely,
We missed it
As we promised to be with each other
Not knowing she came to stay just a moment.

The beauty I searched for
The beauty I longed for
The beauty I envisage
I feel her silky hands
The silky hands of a cherub.
I kissed her lips
The lips that drips sweetness like the honey
I heard her whispered like a morning wind
Vowing to bring the evening stars to our love bed.

Beauty fades
But hers remains classic
With a white toothed gap
Arrange like the cucumber seeds.
All times with her,
My elbows raises as we caressed in exhilarating smile.
To see her now, no more
As her ever romantic eye closed
And hands waved goodbye.

Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Nice work…. The noting of what is missing. The feelings of disappointment that something -or someone- is missing.

There are a couple of grammatical suggestions I have…

S1
That everyone murmurs. ( that a pervasive murmur is heard)
Something in a voice so high.
Like a black goat in a dark night
I see nothing but a reflection standing straight
Ahead of me gawking on something
Worths nothing. ( worth nothing)
For so long, my mind bubbles for what to say
As I enclosed my thoughts and
Just like a dream, it came true but not to stay. (But did not stay)

S2, last line
Not know she came to stay just a moment. (Knowing)

S3
I feel her softy hands. (Silky? Satiny?)
The softy hands of a cherub.
I kissed a lip. (. Upper lip. Lower lip?)
A lip that drops sweetness like the honeycomb. ( drips? Only honey, not honeycomb?)

S4

Beauty fades
But hers remains classic.
With a white toothed gap
Arrange like the cucumber seeds. ( I don’t get the image here)
All times with her,
My elbows raises as we caressed in exhilarating smile. ( nor here, the image)
To see her now, no more
As her ever romantic eye closed. ( the romantic eye of us, or our romantic eye…)
And hands waved goodbye. ( our hands come apart?)

Ray

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Hello, thanks for your observation and corrections, I have been around to reply. Thanks, I appreciate.

author comment

it is very nice to meet you! I see that Ray has got you covered. I couldn't give you any finer advice than he has. I hope to read more of your poetry soon.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Yes dear

author comment
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