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Miss Direction...

She holds his eyes accountable
but pours him another drink
Her feminine wiles beckon smiles
and serve him a sexy wink

Like all the others before him
he falls for the line of her story
seduced by the scene where she's seen
and she denies she wants the glory

Photos of desire imprinted
made-up lips of what she said
eyes torn away from the cruel light of day
he falls for her look instead

Where does she want him on his knees?
It's hard to tell the right spot
The map of correction goes in that direction
She wants him to see what she's got

Belabor the point of his interest
tell him he's wrong once again
The map of entrapment is visible
tell him he never can win

Picture this, if don't you believe it
the plans are in her hands
seeds sown in construction of destruction
He's searching for the promised land

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
Thanks for all the input from our poets and the AI. I tightened up some of the lines as suggested and I think it is a much better piece of work now.
Editing stage: 
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Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Miss Direction" portrays a familiar scenario of a woman using her feminine wiles to attract a man and manipulate him for her own gain. The use of vivid imagery and metaphors creates a striking visual of the woman as a seductive and cunning figure, while the man is portrayed as a hapless victim, falling for her charms despite the warning signs.

One notable issue with the poem is the use of cliches, such as "made-up lips of pouting red" and "the trap of entrapment." These phrases detract from the originality of the poem and weaken its impact. Additionally, the poem could benefit from tighter line breaks and more consistent meter to improve its flow.

One suggested line edit is to replace "seeds sown in construction of destruction" with "her plans built on a foundation of destruction." This change would streamline the language and make the metaphor more concise.

Overall, "Miss Direction" effectively conveys the dangers of falling for superficial charm and highlights the power dynamics at play in romantic relationships. However, it could benefit from some refinement to elevate its language and structure.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

The dangers of falling for someone's charm....I like the opening line and how she holds his eyes accountable. It sets the stage for the rest of the encounter. I can picture the guy sitting at the bar, deadlocked on her beauty while she uses all she has to reel him in. I think I have met the male version a time or two....good job!

~RoseBlack~

I was trying to show the way that women get all gussied up and turn on the charm, and then call men out for responding to it.
If we are not supposed to care about the woman being pretty, and looking sexy, why all the time and effort spent in making her appear that way? I get that women don't want to be just sex objects, but men don't want to be considered as just a wallet either. Let's face it, as a general rule, that is who we are. ~ Geez.
.

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author comment

It isn't fair for either sex to be treated that way. There are very few people who want an actual relationship with someone for simply who they are and what they offer as a human being. Unfortunately, too many are called out for responding to the actions of the other or worse.

~RoseBlack~

Men are for opening pickle jars. What’s the saying? Find a man that has a good job who can provide for you, fix up the house, cook meals, do laundry, actually parent the children they create. Often men are valued for their skills and accomplishments and not given much room with their feelings or emotional needs. Probably because we are terrible at quantifying and expressing them. This is why my best friends are all female. My male friends don’t have a clue who I really am and they are not emotionally responsible enough for that privilege.

Great job on the poem Geez. I expect no less from you.

From on my soapbox of men’s mental health which is largely ignored (until there is a mass shooting),
Tim

Their feelings and emotions are equally as important and they should be valued for who they are and the amazing qualities they bring to their relationships and for the awesome human they are in general. It's funny because I always felt like women didn't understand me at all and my best friends were always male.

~RoseBlack~

I think men don't get half enough practice in expressing ourselves. After I had asked one of my ex-wives how her day was and
listened to her reply of just a boring day at work, I wondered why she never asked me how my day at work was. Her answer was "I don't care about your work, I only care that you do."

P.S. I was ready for the next time she started telling me how her day went. I was petty and just walked away. She never said a word about what happened at work ever again. I think that was the beginning of the end. ~ Geez.
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author comment

It is nice to see that women who are confident and good-looking are also aware of how men feel about how they are treated.
I think the stereotype goes both ways, huh? I guess my biggest gripe about the way people get on the bandwagon,
[no matter what their cause] is how they generalize when they get up on their soapbox! It seems to permeate everything they do.
There are times when they let their tunnel vision take over, and everything becomes a target for their slogan! I wonder how it would feel to women here on the site, if I threw the word [matriarchy] out there every time she, her, mother, or any female attribute was mentioned. I think they would soon come to the realization, that women in general were being targeted. I see
the onslaught of T.V. commercials with women taking over the decisions about which car to buy, and ignoring the male figure, them using male deodorant/body wash, and in general, making the male person look foolish and incompetent in making life decisions, as a symptom of an increasingly [matriarchal] society. However, I don't throw the word out there every time I feel slighted in any way. The time for that foolishness is past! I agree that things need to change, but let's not forget, that not everyone should be tattooed on the forehead with the same slogan. How about we make a new slogan?
"Don't generalize". ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

There is so much to say to this. Women have been using their wiles against men since time immortal. Woman have through time ruled through Kings and men of power, there were other women who ruled outright and were tyrants. It was said of King George the 6th that his wife the later to be Queen Mother ruled through him. Hitler even said she was the most dangerous woman in Europe. The King proposed to her 3 times he was so in love with her he wasn't prepared to give up. His third proposal was successful and history tells their love story. Elizabeth also wielded power behind her daughter QE2. That's just an example off the top of my head.

I think the poem is well constructed and the rhyme scheme is spot on. It tells of the despair of a man being manipulated by a woman's beauty and guile. I can't pick a favourite stanza I think they're all brilliant. It's so nice to be back I've missed this.

Love and higgliest bugs Sis xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

I was reading your poem, but I ran out of gas. I am so sorry, I will have to come back later to give it the respect it deserves.

*love & hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

There are so many images that stir in my brain as a result of this poem. Of course, you have the stereotypical femme fatale. I imagine her victim to be almost puppy dog like, lapping up all that she is dishing out. But then, my mind wanders, as it is want to do, and I think about the reason women have had to use these tactics to get what they want: It is because, for so long, they have been considered the property of the male population. The only way to get anything was to use the one true male weakness: the location of their brain, soaking in testosterone.

Anyway, it was a good read and very thought provoking. Good job!

Thanx,
Steve

Thanx,
Steve

for setting me straight. I have seen the error of my ways. I was so caught up in my emotions that I used the word matriarchy at least two or three times. I also forgot that we cannot afford to let Neopoet become an arena for an epic battle of any cause.
~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

My comments were never intended to criticize. My understanding of a good poem is that, among other things, it takes a reader places that were never imagined by the author. I was only attempting to convey to you where your poem took me. So, if I offended you, please forgive me. It was completely unintentional.

Thanx,
Steve

Thanx,
Steve

this is a well written piece. I don't want to get on a roll of gender bashing. or taking a stance on which of our sexes plays the most games in the Olympics of love/sex. Neopoet is not the arena for it. but writing our hearts feelings and thoughts through poetry is. I am not the person to ask which sex is better. my formative years I spent at my father's knee. I first hand witnessed my mother's manipulations. and my father seemed helpless to defend against them. so I am a bit biased for men.

forty years with Steve and a good marriage keeps me sane in this world of injustices. we have learned many lessons and strive to be good listeners...it helps!

*love & hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I took no offense at Unca's comments, I was merely replying to the comments with a little sarcasm, which is where they took me. A little bit of levity that fell flat like a lead balloon. I also agree that Neo. is not the place for epic battles about or for any cause. We have a reputation for being a family and while there are bound to be disagreements about things occasionally, we should always remember that we are a poetry site. I have made my apologies about letting my distaste for the patriarchy statements cloud my judgement and making me feel like I am a second-class citizen. I must remember, it was not a personal attack and I should not have responded so. I'm sure that was not the intention of anyone here, and it was not my intention to start a war of any kind. I'm sure that Killer is disapproving of the in-fighting, as you know he is a protector of rape and murder victims. My sincere apologies to Killer and Sir Gee. Thanks for your valuable insight, love and hugs, ~ From the three of us, ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

and this is one of the many reasons why I love you!

* many hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

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