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MISPLACED LOVE

From the answers I got from you
What is the price I have to pay?
If I may ask a hand in love
So cherished and badly desired
Tell me, have I waited in vain
That you would never come to me
You are the unwilling Africa
Towering like a mountain, high
Hesitating, while the time ticks
Missing progress and prosperity

I am sitting right at cross-roads
To come with you or leave alone
Clear my crippling dark doubts
With rays beaming with love
That I may climb in partnership
To the peak of our mountains
To exhale air of our shared dreams
And set desires in bondage free
Will there be real love between us
Your affection I never had

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

although I have been reprehensibly neglectful in reading of late, please forgive me.

This work could be the opening piece for a volume of your work. Having read you so long I can't help seeing it as part of your body of work and it represents a peak of the wordcraftsmanship that I know you have been working for.

It has effortless cadence and the essence of beauteous conflict you feel about your land.

Kudos. I can't fault a word.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I owe a lot of thanks to you, your 'more meters' workshop helped me a whole lot. I wish you were around here where I can seat in a private class down loading from your rich literary heritage. I am open to more of your critique on my pieces. I am looking forward to participate in your workshop again, thanks and best wishes.

tr

A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light

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